Thursday, 7 January 2010

A statement from Cash, Cash, Cash and Morcash, Solicitors and Coal Merchants, Ratigan, on behalf of Professor Billy McWilliams

We have been asked by oor client, Professor Billy McWilliams of Orange Parade, Glastry fur til issue a statement refutin' rumours regardin' his conduct which hiv bin circualtin' aboot oan the interweb.

  • Oor client wud like til deny that he is a buisinessman in any shape or form. Any investments in his fake tannin' salon "Orange fur Ulster" hiv bin entirely legit, an' hiv nat involved any political types. Furthermore his shares in "Busty Ballymena" are held in trust, with any prafits goin' til charities fur til help raise up dirty weemin.
  • Whilst oor client knaes of, an' has even met, a few political types, he hasnae gat involved wi' them til oany grate extent. Oor client's admiration an' affection fur certain politicians is well knain, but he refutes any allegations o' misconduct or of usin' his high falutin' role in Ulster Scots culture for dodgy purposes.
  • Oor client excepts that some of the statements he has made on the website that he contributes til wud imply a close relationship wi' certain politicians, but assures us that these statements were the result of a vivid an' slightly perverted imagination, yin fur which he is seekin' councilin'.
  • Mr McWilliams wud like fur til assure everybudy that awl o' these rumours an' nefarious events will nat prevent him frae carryin' oot his duties til the Ulster Scots community an' the public at large.
  • Finally oor client wud like til assure Mrs McWilliams that anythin' that she has heard is pure ballix an' that he wud like back intil the house, fur it is wile caul.
So thats thy'on all cleared up.*

At this late stage my client would also like to point out that he is pushin' 40.

Albert Cash


Manuel said...

the whole thing is just a distraction to keep us away from the real story....Willie MCrea being done for copyright infringement....

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Yes, and some other things I could mention, but those are in the hands of my solicitors.

Dewey, Snowem and Howe said...

Dear Prof. McWilliams --

At what is obviously a trying time for you, we would like to make you aware of our Public Relations services. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," as I am sure someone from solid Ulster Scots stock such as yourself can certainly appreciate. In the future, should you find yourself in any type of, shall we say, "predicament," please feel free to contact our office prior to contacting your solicitors.


Dewey, Snowem, and Howe

Post Scriptum -- We offer excellent rates on coal, also.

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ah micht hiv til take ye up on thy'on offer. Ah'm wurried how ma restaurant business will do after this scannel

thedissenter said...

ned counccillin, yon Selwyn Black is free. wudin sae too much an nae txtin.

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

ah'd tend fur til agree wi ye, dissentin' fella. He luks tae be a guid listener, but a guid talker tae.