Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Back Hame

Beer Crisis.

Ah'm back frae ma hallydays an' feelin' a bit deflated, hivin' spent awl ma money oan beer, castles an fake tan. As a result ah hiv barely enough beer tae git me through the week, an Mrs McWilliams micht hiv tae drink chardonnay instied o' chablis. Fortunately ah hiv a large supply o' whiskey in the garage, sae ah kin brake intae thy'on in case o' emergency.

Ah am fully aware that ah hivnae done any Histry oan the site fur a wile, but even akademics hiv time aff, sae ah will content messel wi' a cupple o' kultural observations frae ma hallydays.
  • They hiv crap crisps in Scotland.

  • Ye cannae buy Club Orange.

  • Glasgow is a very large place wi' scary folk in it.

  • They hiv flat sausages. This is a grate idea, fur its far easier tae make a sandwich an' ye kin put eggs oan tap.

That's it. Ah taul ye ah wis deflated. Ah'll try tae come up wi somethin' mair interestin' nixt time.

White.

Ah knew ah wis oan ma way hame whin ah overheared an excellent conversation at the bar oan the boat. A large mawn at the bar, wi a bit o' Strabane aboot him, wis hivin' trubble orderin' his roond frae the Polish bar hen. "A Jameson an' white" says he, "And Wine?" says she, "Naw white" says oor man. "Sprite?" says the girl. "Naw love, white!" "Wine??". "Howl oan, Eugene whit dae ye want wi yer Jameson?" Eugene approaches the bar, examines the mixer fridge an' says' "White". "White wine?" says the Polish gurl. "Naw," says Eugene, that yin thar - Seven Up." "Sprite?" says the barmaid. "Aye" says Eugene.

The thing that gits me is that ah cannae remember the last time ah saw broon in a pub.

Pole

Howiver it gives us this weeks pole - best mixer. Frae last week's we kin see that the best bawnd o' awl wud prabably be a rubber pipe.

7 comments:

Fat Sparrow said...

"Glasgow is a very large place wi' scary folk in it."

And yet, despite all that and even Smeato being there, those wanna-be terrorists still thought they were hard enough to have a go. "This is Glasgee, we'll set aboot ye!" I still laugh every time I think of that. I can't do the accent, of course, unless I want Himself to make fun of me for sounding like a Paki. Ah weel, we cannae all cam frae Norn Iron, noo?

And I must add that I am shocked that people use mixers in their whiskey. What ever happened to taking it neat?

ellie said...

Brown lemonade warmed up was my Granny's cure for everything. Thank God we are a healthy breed!

Serendipity A Pearson, Archimalogical Tippler said...

Mixers is for bad times, when all that is offered is a Blended Whisky. It happens.

Fat Sparrow said...

My choice for the "Best Mixer" poll wasn't on the list.

I choose Kitchen Aid. It's a very reliable brand, and reasonably priced, too.

Anonymous said...

I prefer cement

Manuel said...

ever ask for a chip in an english chippy........they look at you as if you're mad!

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ye kin cause even mair confusion by askin' fur a cowboy supper