Thursday, 8 October 2009

Bit the Twelfth, Vikings (an Facebuk)


Ah hivnae done oany histry fur at laist a lock o posts, mainly due tae the sudden emergence o' important campaigns such as Ulster Scots Google an' Ballyhalbert: UK City o' Culture. These things are awl very well, but distract us frae oor European funded raison detter -  fur til expose the world til the Ulster Scot an' his bizarre an' complicated histry. Howiver ah hiv til admit thit yin o' the main raisons fur ma lack o' quality postin' his bin a new foun' addiction til facebuk, a prablem enduced by ma naid fur til create a group fur the UK City o' Culture Campaign.

Facebuk is Evil.

Ye start aff wi' a wee campaign, make a few new friends,  an' afore ye know it yer intil Mafia Wars. Ye git friends yiv niver heared oan, some wi' names o' nae Ulster Scots derivation. Nixt thing ah knaw ah'm sae despert fur Mafia Wars folk thit ah've accidentally become friends wi' a porn site. Nat some kindae half clean porn site ah'll add - nat like Busty Ballymena. Nae sooner hid ah said "Aye" til the gurl claimin' fur til be ma Mafia Wars cohort thin she wis offerin' me things ah hidnae even heared oan afore. In the name o' the Laird, why wud ye want til dae some o' thy'on things, they're all boun' fur til be sore fur someyin o' o'er involved. Ah deleted her straight aff, afore Mrs McWilliams lukked in. Pure filth.*

Aside frae thy'on......

Bit the Twelfth: The Vikings.

Ah'm fur laivin' behine Christianity, mainly due til confusion oan ma ain part. In part Elevin: Bits yin an' twa we gat tantilisinly close til uncoverin' how Christianity wus brung til Ulster by Presbyterians, afore ah gat totally lost in a Da Vinci code type struggle an' entranced by Mafia Wars. Thus fur the noo we move oantil the nixt big thing til hit oor shores, the Vikings. Thesuns are some o' the maist controversial folk iver til dander aboot oor land. Oan the yin hawn they raped an' pillaged, generally considered til be bad things, but oan the aither they made beautiful things oot o' the stuff they pillaged, an' the chances are their illegitmate offspring were taller than maist. Howiver, in the context o' oor Ulster Scots histry oany yin question is o' oany importance......

Vikings: Which fut did they steal slaves wi'?

Evidence fur them stealin' wives wi' the left fut.......
  • Whenst here, they mainly hung aboot the Free State - Wexford, Waterford, Carlingford and, indaid, Dublin. The Free State is, as we all knae, where the o'er sort like til be. Unless thar interferin' up here.
  • They hid a wile habit o' burnin' the churches an' settlements o' the early Christian Folk. As his bin almost conclusively proved in earlier installments, these were Presbyterian Ulster Scots.
  • They invented surnames like MacManus, Siegerson (as in the GAA cup), Reynolds (nat the car - as in Albert) an McCafferty (as in Nell). Nain o' these are Ulster Scots names.**
  • They were heathens
  • They had horns.
Evidence fur them stealin' the o'er surts wives.
  • An o'er name fur them is Norsemen, meanin' they were frae the north. The North is, as we shud all knae, were guid things come frae.
  • They alsae hung aboot Strangford, which is fernenst the Ards Penisnula, sacred hame til the Ulster Scot.
  • They hid names like McAuley, Hammond an' McKeever, nat yins unknain among the Ulster Scot.**
  • They hid a base at Larne - an' run Ferries.
  • They were heathens
  • They were tall an' guid lukkin.

Ah dinnae knaw - ah'll laive it til a vote. Nixt histry time it'll be aisier, fur wur dae'in the Anglo-Normans, an' they wur definitely the o'er sort, an' Inglis.

* Pure Filth Mafia Wars may be, but if yer playin' it gie me a shout fur ah naid fur til build ma crew....

** All names proof is knuk aff a BBC thing, sae dinnae blame me.


Manuel said...

mafia wars and that even more annoying farmville thing gets on my tits...I live in Belfast, the mafia is all around me and I din't like the country or country, I'm not interested......gets on my tits the lot of it....

sorry...bad mood the night.....I blame the tories...obviously

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Sorry Manuel
Whit Country, whit country folk?.....?

Twa wurds - Michael Gove.

Fat Sparrow said...

I'm with Manuel. I just moved from the ghetto, "Mafia Wars" is what keeps you up at night when the ghetto birds overhead shining a searchlight in your yard. And now I'm living a mile from the dairy (Free or London, take your pick)lands and the stench of cow piss and shite hangs thick in the air. Now, I grew up with that, and I'm used to it, but I have Martian Death Plague and so my lungs have a low tolerance for it at the moment.

Fat Sparrow said...

Totally random:

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Mafia Wars saims til be gettin a bad press, an' ah kin accept thy'on. Mrs McWilliams his agreed fur til stay here if ah git therapy.

Fur noo, must gae an play Mafia Wars.

Old Knudsen said...

Being Ulsterish and Scottish Old Knudsen is a proud Gallowglass too, people have said, "Are you Thor?" and I say "nay I'm just a bit stiff".

Padraig Mickypat O Súilabhán said...

Wud a Fianna Fail member be any good fur the Mafia Waars?