Thursday, 19 February 2009

Bit Sen - Life in the New Stain Times

Save oor Sammy update.

Ah've gie up oan savin' Sammy. If thy'on Earth Frends can muster 500 odd names tae git rid o' him, an' we can oany git 18 fur his retainin' then we're bate. Ah hiv a distinct feelin' that Sammy micht be reshuffled aff tae sumwair his wee red face wud cause less offence, a new Ministair fur Racil Equality perhaps. Howiver all is nat lost, fur under the rules o' the Guid Friday Agreement Sammy must be replaced frae within the DUP. Thairfore a fine body o' men, an' hens, are linin' up fur the joab. Ah've bin thinkin' that the Party's representation in the Executive is a bit unbalanced at the moment. Yiv got yer hard man doin' Culture - Gregory Campbell, yer auld hans - Doddsy and Sam, an yer ex-UUP tae keep the moderates oan the boil, Arlene an' Danny O'. Bit wair does that leave the Free Pee crowd ah ask yis. Ah hiv a feelin that Sugar Ray will hiv tae address this failure in his coalition. Thus this weeks pole asks yis til pick yer puck fur tae be the new heid yin o' enviromentalism.

Afore ah git oan tae Bit Sen though, ah'm gittin wurried aboot Tim Tim MacPat Coogan, who's bin wile quait o' late. He announced in his comments that he was cummin Nairth fur tae investigate oor histry, an' hasnae bin heard frae since. Ah'm jist hopin he didnae gae blurtin' his Iberian claims roun' Ballymoney an' goat himsel intae baither wi' the locals. O' coorse he micht jist hiv seen the error o' his ways.

Mair til the point -

Bit Sen - Life in the New Stain Times.

Oor funders are insistent that we git oan wi the histry, an' ah hope ye knaw by now that oor remit is til edukate yis in the role o' the Ulster Scot in "Ireland". There are sum wha' wid claim thit we oany arrived here in the C17th bit awl the evidence points diffrent. Here we will luk, alangside o' sum o' Ulster's finest akademic mines, at the influence o' the Ulster Scot in New Stain Age Times.
Stains

As we seen in Bits Five an' Sax the Mesolithic folk were wile fur thair wee stains. These flint stains were hanny fur the cuttin' an' slicin' but nae sae mair fur the chappin'. If ye were a farmer lukin' tae chap doon trees fur the makin' o' a field yid naid a big hefty stain - porcellanite. Now yer Iberian crowd micht suggest oerwise, but there is nae doubt that the bestest places tae fine this type o' stone are firmly in Ulster Scots territry. At this point ah'll hiv tae lapse oot o' the hamely tongue so as tae quote -

Geochemists say that "Of the two known sources in Co. Antrim, north-east Ireland, the mainland site at Tievebulliagh has traditionally been considered the more important, with the site at Brockley on the offshore Rathlin Island seen as a minor source. Trace element geochemical analysis of samples taken from the sources has resulted in the identification of a discriminant that can be used to separate the two sites. "

Now ah havnae a clue whit that means, so ah spake tae WJ McIlveen frae King's College Ballylumford. Wile he admitted that isnae so sure whit a Geochemist is, he knew they were richt aboot yin thing - the new big stains came frae Antrim, an' nat the Free State. Who, he said, wid hiv hoked them oot o' the groun' but the Ulster Scots?

Trees
So hivin' chapped doon the trees fur the makin' o' fields, what wid the Ulster Scot stain age farmer dae wi' them? The anser is that thesuns hid brought o'er trained bastes that wudnae bite them, maistly coos and yos. The nearest type o' yo that yid git noo til then wid be the Soay yo, a kindae broon yin that luks a bit mair like a goat. This, the archaeologits reckon, was an early attempt at the manufakture o' goatskins fur lambegs, but the stain age boys learnt they'd got the wrang baste, see bit sax, an' so they mustae went back til Scotland til fine a better skinned baste. Howiver, in chappin' doon the trees the boys cleared several routes through the woodland, enabling them til walk, unhindered, frae place tae place, maist likely barin' goatskinned drums. Ah ask ye?

Pats

As wiv seen in Bit Sax the New Stain Age was the yinst time that pats were made (in Antrim). Afore this, yid hae bin wile lucky tae hae a baskit tae haul yer stuff, an' that wasnae any use fur cukin' or storin' food. Pats allowed the Ulster Scot o' 4000 BC til produce craps for the first time. Befair this he wud hiv hid naewhair til put his craps, but noo wi' fine clay pats he hid sumwhere tae keep them til the caul winter months.

But wair does the Ulster Scot fit in? In a somewhat convaluted way Eileen McIlWilliamwillaimson o' the Skool o' Gender at Aughnacloy Wee Girls Study Centre explains. She says "Folk makin' pats in them days didnae use wheels oor the like. Instied they made thair pats in thair hans." Curious, I asked her how they went aboot dain' this. "Well" says she "Yinst they made a wee small pat; then they made coils o' clay, layin' them oan tap o' the wee pat tae bild up the sides." This, she says, is proof that Free Staters widnae hiv knae how tae make a pat, fur they were barred frae havin' coils, oor any oer form o' contraption, til the late C20th.
Nixt Time.
Nixt time, fur its late, an' ah cannae be baithered wurkin' oot in ma' ain mine how the European farm improvement grants led til a rash o' New Stain Age monument bildin', we'll luk at the Branze Age Days.

2 comments:

Professor TimTim MacPatCoogan said...

I'M SORRY, I CANNOT TAKE YOUR CALL RIGHT NOW, AS I HAVE BEEN LOCKED IN SOME KIND OF ULSTER COW SHED AND CANNOT GET OUT.

KIND REGARDS

PROFESSOR TIMTIM MACPAT COOGAN

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Crivens!