Histry o' the Ulster Scots, Bit the Thirteenth:

As yon Wilhem Luther pointed oot in "Hoke Oot" (the Ulster Scots sarch ingine) its bin a quare while since we hid oany histry roun here. If ah dinnae git some done soon ah'll be in danger o' losin' ma European cultual funnin'. The last yin lukked at the Vikings, concludin' wi' a vote designed fur til ascertain whither the Vikings were oor surt or the o'er surt. Ah hiv tae confess thit at this point in time ah cannae remememer whit conclusions oor pole concluded upon, but yin thing ah dae ken, thesuns in Bit the Thirteenth are fur definite left futters. Awl shall become clear as we examine the next phase in the enlightenin', fascinatin' an occasionally tittilatin' histry o' the hamely folk.

The Angle-Normans.

If ye ask yer average Ulster Scot fur til name an histerical date he will maist likely come back at ye wi' 1690, but if ye ask oany Inglis folk the same they will prabably remember 1066. This was a quare important year fur the Inglis folk, fur they were invadeded by a boy called William the Bastard frae Normandy in French, better knain by the less rude name o' William the Conquerer. It is important at this point fur til point oot that this William Bastard was in nae way related til King Billy. Fur yin thing, they were differn surts. Anyhow the important thing is that the Bastard tuk o'er England an' after a lock o' years all the Inglis folk were called Angle-Normans, on account o' their French connections. In nae time at all the Angle Normans gat hungry fur mair land, an' began fur til cast covetous glances til oor ain fair shores.

Strongbow

Howiver much as thesuns fancied invadin Norn an' Sorn Ireland they cudnae dae oanything wi'oot the Pope's say sae (fur, if ye naid reminded, they were of the o'er surt). The Pope at the time was Pope Adrian, an as well as bein Pope, he wus an Angle Norman tae boot. He was mad keen fur til bring the Presbyterians o' Ireland unner his control, sae he giv permission til the King o' the Inglis, Henry II ah think, fur til invade in 1169. Fur nae apparant raison he sent a Bull til issue this instruction. Ah hivnae wurked this bit oot yit.

Oanyway all Henry naided the noo wus an excuse fur til send boys o'er. The excuse came when yin o' the Free State boys, Dermot MacMurragh, decided til invite the Angle Normans o'er til help him out in some local squabble wi' an o'er Free Stater, Rory O'Connor. Ah wud urge oor raiders til note the distinct lack o' Ulster Scots names in awl this, fur they were firmly ensconsed in a free and independent Ulster. Thus an Angle Norman called Strongbow tuk a load o' boys o'er til Wexford wur he proceeded til looder all the Free Staters, an' promptly married Aoife, the unusually spelt daughter o' yon Dermot.

The Invasion o' Ulster

Sae far sae guid, the Angle Normans hiv oany invaded the Free State, but yince there, they lukked North, taewards the God give hame o' the Ulster Scot. A yung Knight frae Summerset, Roger de Courcy, saw oor fair lands as fair game, an' led a wee army north, headin' taewards Ulidia, as they spelt Ulster in them days. There he met fierce resistance, particularly in an' aroun Downpatrick where MacDunleavy helt out for up to a whole day in a viscious siege. Expelled frae his big mound, he returned wi' a huge army o' Ulster Scots fur til take de Courcy oan. Oor boys approached the heavily armed Angle Normans across the marshes o' the River Quoile, an in typical Ulster fashion proceeded fur til throw racks at them. They were met wi' a hail o' arras, the machine gun o' the middle ages, an' were slaughtered, the Quoile ran red wi' blood, the chief vanquished.

Wi the cream o' the Ulster Scots dead in the Quoile, de Courcy was free fur til conquer Antrim an' Down, bringin' wi him Angle Norman ways and the o'er surt religion. In bit the fourteenth we shall fine oot how he enforced this code on the proud Ulster Scot.

A wee apology.

Ah hivnae writ fur a wheen o' days, ah hiv been distracted by work, drink an' the facebuk antics o' Jackie Fullerton. Ah've prabably missed stuff, fur yin thing ah saw wee Jeffrey oan the TV, and the lunatics are now in charge o' the policin' asylum. Interestin' fur til note that a new bunch o' lazy expenses grabbin bastards are in charge o' Norn Iron's finest lazy bunch o' expenses grabbin' bastards.