Live thing

21.38 - Oan the couch, hiv beer an remote control. Watchin the channel 4 thing. Furgat tae get snacks, but foun a big bag o' Doritos oot o date frae Febuary. Ah hope they're OK.

21.45 - Edwina Currie, fur gods sake. Finger in her mouth like a common harlot. Nathin new there anyhow.

21.48 - 3 for 2 on selected plants at Homebase - handy

21.55 - time til turn til BBC1.

21.58 - what a crap road thing Jeremy Vine is on. Shit, forgot the drinking rules.

22.02 - wow - election results projected oantil Big Ben. Ah am fur projectin a picture o' Jim Allister's Arse oantil the Albert Clack if he gets in.

22.06 - ah apologise fur ma language - but ah fucking hate Michael Gove. Oh aye, the exit pole - nae mair accurate than mine.

22.11 - This is class - big graphs

22.16 - BBC 1 and 2 are both the same. Interestin that

22.21 - Bored now, going for a slash.

22.31 - Christ - Ben Kingsley and Bruce Forsyth - ????????

22.37 - our boys are up, but I'm fur a doze

22.40 - Jays - yid think the boy reportin frae the Ards would learn how til spake.

22.44 - Crap - dae ah watch here, or there. Think ah'll watch there fur a bit, fur they hiv a swingometer

22.53 - Some doll won fur Labour in some bit of Sunderland

22.58 - Get tae buck whichever Dimbelby ye are. We are a special case. Gae oan like thyon an ah'll blow up England messel.

23.09 - Queues to vote - turn up earlier

23.16 - Bored, definite doze.

23.46 - Woke up, bomb scare in Foyle and Londonderry - 10% swing til bastards

23.53 - Jaipurs ah'm sick o thesuns nat gettin til vote - ye hiv awl day.  Shud be a bank holiday mind ye.

23.58 - Pat Doherty nat yet seen at the Tyrone count. Nae surprise there then.

00.03 - Yvette Shapiro has stuck oan a few poun'

00.14 - Big Ians on, ah wunner if wee Ian will sing when he's winnin'

00.19 - Still 3 - 0 til Labour. Ah fancy some toast.

00.29 - A scoop - from Ian McCrea's Facebuk "Jim Allister concedes to Ian Paisley Jun hahahahahahahahahahahah" - honest ah didnae make that up

00.31 - Dimbleby mentions Love bombing.

00.34 - West Tyrone - Look, its Pat Doherty - watch him well for ye won't see him for a while. The invisible MP wins again.

00.36 - Jays he can talk.

00.37 - Ano'er yin - North Antrim - Wee Ian wins - good yeooooo there frae the assembled intelligensia.

00.44 - Jays he is dae'in the singin'. Wunner if there's a verse aboot praisin' praperty developers.

00.45 - Bugger me - Neck an neck in Aist Belfast. Jays.

00.46 - Arlene was oan the groun wi Peter in Aist Belfast - snigger

00.50 - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

00.53 - Fealty - talkin brock - ma pole called the Alliance winnin a seat oor twa. Ma pole is wile accurate ye knaw.

00.58 - Wee Jeffrey his won Lagan Valley - twat

01.02 - Simpson tae - think the guid news is o'er

01.14 - Lady S is in, hair buck mental.

01.22 - BBC say that Wee Ian inherited a huge cushion frae his father.

01.26 - Gerry wearing jeans ah see. Has he helt his seat??????????

01.27 - Yes

01.30 - David Blunkett says Labour hiv lost the election. Ah think his dug was checkin the scores.

01.42 - Slap it up ye Spratt. Ye tosser. Oh aye - the Dr Fella hauls S. Belfast.

01.51 - Poor Lord Reginald - final nail in the UCUNF coffin. If ye cannae bait Wullie McCrea?

02.02 - Steven King is lookin a bit odd, and who is that wee woman in the middle.

02.13. - Hangin on fur Fermanagh - furgat til update there.

02.23 - Lembit Optic his lost his sait. Aboot time - the boys an arse.

02.26 - Arse biscuits - Wullie McCrea - Arse biscuits.

02.28 - Durkan intil Foyle - thought they'd lost count

02.40 - McCrea - fur God's sake.

02.48 - Here comes Lord Reginald - will he resign?

02.54 - Strangford - ancient seat o' the Vikings and oor Iris - is helt by Shannon

02.59 - FST - Connor by 6. Recount. Bed.

03.12 - Nat in bed yet. Wee Margaret in.