Thursday, 4 November 2010

Ulster Scot Arse o' the Year, 2010

As nicht fallies day, as hangover fallies drink, as arse fallies teat, sae evil trails guid. The o'er day we posted a list o' tap Ulster Scots folk who hiv made important contributions til oor culture o'er 2010, an' taeday we must consider those who hiv let the side doon. Nat all Ulster Scots are kindly folk like Jim Allister, there are themuns oot there who harm oor culture an' community. Thus we must vote likewise fur arse o' the year, naminations are below. Tae be honest thesuns are a list o' personal grudges, but Ah intend fur til make a certificite an' post it til the winner.

Gregory Campbell

DUP hard man Gregory is nat oany a sour faced hallion wi' mair jobs than a brothel, he is alsae an ill-mannered arse who his consistently refused ma friend request oan the Facebuk. Manies ano'er yin has accepted, but grumpy Gregory ignores ma overtures entirely but accepts numerous o'ers, despite the fact that we hiv 28 mutual friends. Even wee Jeffrey accepted me an' backed Save Veda, but nat Gregory. However it is nat oany this personal slight which finds him naminated, it is alsae the fact that he is a right arsehole.

Irwins Bread folk.

As bakers o' the sublime Nutty Krust, Irwins shud have godlike status for the likes o' messel . However they are naminated fur takin the sacred loaf o' the Ulster Scots an' cuttin it intil wee footery slices as well as their attempts til subvert the anti-slice campaign intil some kindae markettin' campaign fur themselfs. They have, til some extent, backed doon, having realised thit they have bit aff mair than they can chew, but we await their pramises reachin' fulfilment.

Sammy Wilson

Ah believe this yin til be fairly self explainin'. Sammy saims til pasitively enjoy the cutbacks, bangin' oan aboot tightenin' oor belts whilst lukkin' like he's aboot til burst his ain. Furthermair the wee red faced ballix pulled the funnin' fur ma ain jab, thus plungin' the wurld o' Ulster Scots Academia intil financial meltdoon. Incidentally if any o' yis naid the services o' an Ulster Scots Academic, gie us a shout. Ah can alsae walk dugs an' cut grass, cash in hawn mind. 

Martina Anderson

"She's niver an Ulster Scot," Ah hear yis cry, but Ah lukked up her name in the big buik o' Ulster Scotsness an yin she is. The Shinner's director o' Unionist engagement is a richt humourless hard ticket. Havin accepted me an ma German counterpart as her facebuk pals, she drapped us at the first hint o' tomfoolery. She actually hid the cheek til tell me nat tae be silly. Unionist engagement my Orange Arse. 

Christine Bleakley

Ah admit ah am mainly naminatin' her fur a slightly different Arse related award, but she too his let us down. In the name o' the laird, whit his Frank Lampard gat that ah hivnae?

1 comment:

Mark said...

Ye have got it awl wrang. Christine is tha lahst bastion of tha Ulster Scot awn tha tallybax! She hid tae let Lampard slip her tha beef til be famous in tha Inglis prass. Wi'oot that she wid nay have een that Daybrake after being shafted fram the yin show. Tha power hen.

It shows what thaims at inglish tally thinks o tha Ulster Scot that thaim keep puttin a hen o quality wiv a steek like Chiles.