The ither day ah hid a bit o' a mornin' crisis fur whin ah goat up fur wurk ah foun' that the motor wudnae start. As a result ah hid tae lend yin aff Wullie McIlveen an' it turned oot that the wireless in his auld yoke wis stuck onatae the Licht Programme (BBC Wireless Twa fur youse yungyins), sae ah wis forced tae drive til the aerodrome listinin' til Terry Wogan. It hid bin sevral years hence since ah last tuned intae "Wakin' up til Wogan", an' a cupple o' thochts come tae me.
This is meant tae be Wireless Twa oan the BBC, nat the RTE, sae how come thy'on Free State Boy has bin oan fur sae lang? Its nat as if we'uns in Ulster cannae produce high quality braidcasters. Ye need oany luk at the likes o' George Jones, Canny Divine an' Hugo "skiddileye" Duncan tae realise the wealth o' talent that is concurrently languishin' oan oor local radio. Why hivn't these yins bin given the nashunal exposhure thar talent clearly deserves? Howiver, mair til the point -
Fernenst 9.15 each mornin' the aforemenshuned Wogan takes a brake frae playin' Katie Melua (an banterin') tae introduce "Pause fur Thocht", genrally a few wurds frae the Pastor o' sum religion oor ither. This spat his bin filled by folk frae awl religions an' Nuns, frae Muslim Imams tae Jewish Rabbits, but, an here's the rub, nat yince in the 53 years that Wakin' up til Wogan has bin braidcastin' his the Big Mawn hissel bin on. Tae the best o' ma knawledge they havnae even hid yin representative o' the Free Presbyterian Church gi'en us a few comfortin' wurds o' a mornin'. We here at 1690 regard this as a a lak o' respeck fur oor kulture an' heritage an' hiv therefower e-posted til the BBC til demand that this wrang be richted. Ah hiv copied this e-post til below.
Dear Sir Terry Wogan, Lottery boy and Traffic hen.
Ah am an occasionally regular listener tae your show an' fally in particlar yer religus bit - Pause fur Thocht. Generally ah enjoy this, full well in the knawledge that if sum boy comes on who ah knaw is wrang ah kin turn over til he's aff. Racently, howiver, ah hiv realised that yis hiv yit til hiv the Rev Dr Big Ian Paisley oan tae giv his thochts. This dispite the fak that he invented the church an' wis its heid yin til nat lang syne. Yis havnae even hid yin o' his boys oan; the Rev Wee Wullie McRea fur example.
We in the Ulster Scots community deman' a purity o' steam an' that the Rev Dr gits a turn oan yer show. In fak, gi'en that yiv niver hid him oan, we deman' that he's oan ivery day for 6 and a haf weeks, til mak up fur the previous years. If yis dinnae putt this richt, ah will screed til the Equality Commisshun fowerthwith an', ah hiv nae doubt, yil be gittin a stern screedin' aff them afore lang.
Heid Yin o' http://1690andallthat.blogspot.com/
Hopefully that will putt them richt. Ah will let ye knaw if they reply, but it micht help if youse raiders fally suit an' e-post yer thocht til Sir Terry. Go oan, yis knaw yis want til.....
Bit Nine Point Yin.
Thosun's o' yis wha' fally this will rememember that Bit Nine - Life in the Branze Ages Times - came til a grindin' hault as WJ McIlveen wis dragged intae the holdin' area o' ASDA by a big Latvian. Yince inside thy'on, he wasnae able tae provide any mair histry, laivin' me stuck. Luckily WJ wis relaised wi'oot charge an', far frae putt oot by the experience, came bak tae me wi' a fresh ootluk.
It turns oot that thy'on Latvian Security boy was, in his hame place, a Professor o' Archaeology, he wis jist here fur ASDA security pays better. WJ an' his new pal got chitterin' o'er thair shared intrest in histry an' the big lad offered tae take him up the Giant's Ring. Now WJ tells me he'd niver goan thy'on way afore, but he's bin sae excited sin' he kin haurdly sit doon. Accordin' tae yung Wullie, its a hinge monument, likely sum kindae late Neolithic/Early Branze Ages Nicht Club, best visited efter dark tae git the full effeck. Ah menshuned tae Mrs McWilliams that ah micht pop up tae see whit awl the carfuffle wis aboot, but she jist lukked at me.
The nudey pole his closed wi' a wile puir turn oot. Ah'm puttin' this doon tae the fak that ah didnae giv yis the option "nain o' the abuve", but naintheless ah fail a bit let doon. Luckily yis voted tae see a nudey snap o' Iris in the Ulster Museum, an' ah will screed tae them tamarra' makin yer thochts clear. Alsae, ah suppose, yiv already seen Sammy in the nip sae micht nat be sae interested in larnin' mair, but yis micht hiv furgat that Mervyn Storey nearly gained maximum exposure a wheen o' years hence. In an earlier career he wis a much soucht efter male model, a whisker away frae appearin' nudey oan o' an album cover. Fortunately fur us all Oasis opted nat tae call thar 1995 Number yin album "Mervyn Storey's Morning Glory."
Nae pole this week, fur a cannae be ersed thinkin' oan yin.