Shamrock

Of awl the days aff ye git, St Patrick's is prabably yin o' the average Ulster Scots laist favrite. Wakin' up ye knaw thairs a march oan sumwair, but thairs nat much point in polishin' yer nummers. Tae be sure it's a hauny day fur a few hurs dubble time, but nat much else. Howiver at 1690 we hiv been bin researchin' the St Patrick's Day phenomenomenum an' noo reckon it's as guid a day as any tae git doon the hall. Fur expartise in such matters ah usually turn tae the Reverend Dr. Dougie Muldrew, Professor o' Divinity at Poytnzpass Presbyterian Preachin' an' Pole Dancin Polytecknic. Over a ribena oor twa at his office ah hiv discuvered a variety o' faks that micht change a Braid man's mine.

• Scot.

Accordin' til the Catholic Encyclopedia (1911) Patrick wis bairn at "Kilpatrick, near Dumbarton, in Scotland in the year 387." It disnae gae oan til say that he was reared within' the ranks o' the Presbyterian Kirk but neither dis it say that he wasnae, thus laivin' the possibility open.

• Welsh

Accordin' tae the BBC he wus in fak frae a village called Banwen in the Dulais Valley, suwair in Wales. The Welsh association wi' the dissentin branches o' the church is well knawn, perhaps makin' him a Methodist.

• English

Accordin til a buk by a Henry Jelley, Patrick wis bairn "in south-western England, in Somerset, at or near the village of Banwell, five miles east of Weston-super-Mare." Whilst Mr Jelley, an' his slightly amusin name, micht nat inspire confidence, ye hiv tae admit that "St Patrick o' Weston-super-Mare" wud luk guid writ doon the side o' a float in Buncrana

• French

Anaither argument is that St Patrick wis jist yin o' many boys wha brung Christianity tae Ireland, but he becum knawn as the main mawn due tae the influence o' a French boy by the name o' John de Courcy. Nat lang efter invadin' Ulster de Courcy happen'd tae fine the bones o' a few Saints knackin' aboot' an tuk thum tae his new capital, wha he called Doonpatrick, a hauny story if yer lukkin' tae curry favour wi' the locals.

• The Truth.

Through his larnin the Reverend Dr. Muldrew his wurked oot that Christianity wus in fak brung til Ireland by St Willie McDowell.