Ah'm afraid that Bit Nine is nat happenin' taenicht fur Ah hiv a wile early start. Tamarra Ah am fur embarkin' oan a cross kultural spakin' toor o' Scotland, which requires me tae be in the Paris o' the Nairth - Larne - fur aboot 9am, a fair auld shift frae Donemana. Kindly oor new EU funders at the Ulster Protestants in Scotland Spakin' Edukation (UPISSED) hiv' gie me a grant fur a wee lekture toor, wha' happins tae coincide wi' Norn an' Sorn' Ireland's rugby match agin' the auld country. Shud any o' yis oot thair want tae sign up; a few places still remain, the full details are belaw.
Lekture Yin - Time, 7am - Place, ma hoose - Subject, "Oan rememberin' tae feed the cat an' turn aff the ootside lichts at nicht"- mainly deliver'd tae Mrs McWilliams
Lekture Twa - Time, aboot 11am - Place, the boat - Subject, "Thoughts oan the difference between beer oan land an' at sea."
Lekture Thrie - Time, aroun' 1pm - Place, the chip shap in Girvan wair ivrybody staps - Subject, "Why havin' a cup o' tay wi yer chips is grate, especially as ye dinnae normally dae it unless yer in Girvan."
Lekture Fower - Time 2pmish - Place - Alang the road tae Edinborough - Subject, "Why a wee doze mid-afternain sets ye up fur a nicht oot."
Lekture Five - Time 5pm or thairaboots - Place, whitever hotel ma braither booked - Subject - "Sharin' rooms - why ah dinnae wantae be in wi' me da."
Lekture Sax - Time 11pm - Place, Rose Street - Subject, "Yer ma best friend ye are - ah luv ye."
Lekture Sevin - Time, 9am - Place, thy'on hotel - Subject, "Brakefast - is it wurth half an hours slape?"
Lekture Echt- Time 11am - Place, a bar near til thy'on hotel - Subject, "Bluddy Mary - Bad Queen or guid drink?"
Lekture Nine - Time 12pm - Place, a bar a bit nearer tae the groun' - Subject, "Tae beer or nat tae beer..."
Lekture Ten - Time 3pm - Place - The beer tent at the groun' - Subject "....that was the question".
Lekture Elevin - Time 4.45pm - Place - Murrayfield - Subject "Whit sortae time is 5pm fur a kick aff, fur wair jist gettin goin'."
7pm - 4am - left free fur roun' table diskushuns an' conversations oan the porcelain telephone.
Ah will be unable tae spake.
Oan oor sportin' theme, ah've set ye a wee quiz question in the pole this week. Ah left oot Mary Peters, fur we awl knaw she wis English, Ah think, though she did her hair like she wis frae Rathfriland.
Dinnae furget that Iris Robinson is oot thair, waitin' til solve awl yer problems..
St Patrick - Which fut did he keek wi'?