Ards Penisula

Welcome tae Portavogie indaid....

As yis micht hiv seen in the previous post, those o' yis wha buthered yersels tae luk, the Norn Iron Tourist Boord his bin makin a horse's arse o' promotin' the Ards Penisula. Thar isnae a finer spat oan this bit o' the island tae visit, wi archaeological sites, beaches, chip shaps, swings, the lat. Myself, Mrs McWilliams and wee Wullie hae jist spent a fine week oan the Ards, sae a thocht ah shud rectify the appallin', an' potentially sectarian, lack o' promotion o' this hidden gem. Thus ah gie ye ma ain wee tap Sax rasions tae visit the Ards...

Yin: ARCHAEOLOGY

The Ards is comin' doon wi histerical sites, many o' which reflect its lang stawnin' links wi Scotland an' the Nairth o' England. Durin' ma week lang stay ah attempted tae visit a few o' these sites, namely Ballycopeland Windmill, Kirkistown Castle an' the Londonderry Churches. It is guid tae see the the Norn Iron Environmentalist an' Heritage Agency Service o' Norn Iron is protectin' these sites praperly by keepin' them shut durin' whit cud potentially be a busy visiter period. Although the Londonderry churches are perpetually open, ah'm glad tae say that they are well protected by the fack that they are oan a wile bad bend wi' nae dacent parkin'.

Twa: SWINGS.

The Ards is replete wi sevral sets o' swings, guaranteed tae keep a wain happy fur a wile. Thair is a particularly fine set o' swings in Cloughey, an' a braw new set in Portavogie. Portaferry's arnae tae bad, whilst the yins in Donaghadee at the Commons wid pass a picnic. Accordin' tae wee Wullie, poppin' doon tae these particular visitor attractions shud nat be called "Ga'in tae the Swings" it shud be "Going to the play-park". But he's wrang - thair swings.*

Thrie: FISH.

Ye can stroke them in Portaferry, if yer sae inclined. If nat, ye can jist luk wilst aither fowk stroke them.

Fower: ACCOMODATION.

Ah hiv tae admit that we hid 5 star accomodation, hivin' lended Wullie McIlveen's static caravan jist ootside Ballyhalbert. His is nae ordinary caravan, fur it his its ain toilet an' cooker sae yer niver short o' things tae dae. Howiver aside frae caravans, ye kin also stay in tap spats like Portavogie's Wong's Royalle. It's a Chineese restraunt, wi' a B & B, in Portavogie. A quare boy giv oot the grant fur th'on. Genius.

Five: IRIS ROBINSON.

Is the MP. Any wunder there's such a fine collection o' gentlemen's special intrest magazines oan the tap shelf in the garage o' Portavogie.

Sax: THE ROAD OOTSIDE BALLYWHISKIN.

Yin fur the purist here, but surely this is the wurst bit o' main road betwain here an' the Free State.

Other Matters.

Believe it oor nat the BBC havnae replied tae ma screedin o'er the heid o' Sir Terry Wogan's ignorin o' Big Ian. In protest ah am oany watchin' UTV.

Special Ards Penisula Vote this week.


*When travellin' tae spakin' toors in America an' the like, ah hiv noticed that the in flight magazines nivir make a play o' the large amount' o' swings in Norn Iron. Thair is clairly an untapped market oot thair. Fur people wha like swings.