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Big Udders.

Ah'm nat goantae bang oan any fairther oe'r the heid o' the weemen an climatic changin' aside tae point oot this article aboot big chists.


Beyond thy'on we hiv an election oan oor hawns (as the Japanese lady said til the bishop.)

Big Elections.

We here at 1690 hiv bin hivin' a furious, an occashunally sober, debate aboot which o' the myriad o' Ulster Scots Unyinist candidates we shud support cummin' June. It is a tough choice, givin' the impeccible record o' awl the candidates, so ah' thunk it micht be best til giv yousuns, the raiders, the opportunity til decide wha' line we shud take. Ah thairfore hiv compiled a list o' pros an' cons fur each canditate, an' frae thar ah'll laive it fur yersens.

Jim Allister MEP (Tradishunal Unyinist Voice)

Fur:

• Is Tradishunal


• Is a Unyinist


• His a voice


• Saims fairly smart

Agin:

• Is a lawyer


• Is really quite frightenin'.


• Has twa first names; praper Scots hiv twa surnames
  

Diane Dodds ((small d) Democratic Unyinist Party)

Fur:

• Is married til Nigel, who is smart


• His bin a councillor fur ages, so knaws awl aboot European Politics.


• Is nae threat til Iris in the annual DUP luvly girl's competishun.

Agin:

• Is married til Nigel, who is smart


• His bin a councillor fur ages, so knaws awl aboot European Politics.


• Is nae threat til Iris in the annual DUP luvly girl's competishun

Jim Nicholson (Ulster Cunservitive an' Unyinist New Farce)

Fur:

• He's a CUNF


• Is a farmer


• Luks like yin o' us.

Agin:

• Who?


• When did ye last hear frae him?


• Luks like yin o' us.

Ah wud say that the choice is limitless, except that it clearly is. Which yin shud we support...Ah will laive youse tae be the judge in this week's pole.

Furgat

Incidentally, last weeks pole turned oot Catriona, the second sexiest woman in Stormount (husky voice, hates children - whits nat tae like?), as the biggest cause o' Climatic Changin amung hens. Ah hiv til disagree oan this yin. She niver his that goldy colored shoulder pad nummer aff her, sae she cannae spen tae much oan clothes.