How til spake Ulster Scots

A strange thing til be addressin' in Post 50 odd o' an' Ulster Scots Blog, but inspired by a comment in the previous entry, ah will indevour til gie yis a few pointers.


Yin. Fur those o' yis familyer wi' the wurld o' Motorcycle Road Racin' aways talk a wee bit like Joey Dunlap. If ye dinnae knaw who he is, then see Twa.


Twa. Slow...... yer..... speech.....doon.....a....wile......lat. But.....nat......like.......yer.......sum......kindae.......Forest.....Gump. Raither......like.......yer......thinkin'......aboot......whit......til....say......an'...... dinnae......want......til.....show.....yer......hawn.....mind.


Thrie. Replace the oo sound in foot, wi' a u sound tae mak futt. This alsae wurks fur tuk. An' for os generally. In fak jist put a u wur thur shud be an o, or an e, or indaid an ou. Howiver ye shud replace a u sound wi' an i and an o with an ae. Sometimes ye drap the o tae mak an ah sound tae.

Is that awl clear?


Fower. Replace the ee sound in read with an ay sound tae mak raid.


Five. And, Grand, Sand an' Hand shud awl hiv awnds on the end.


Sax. Use specil wurds like Sleekit (sly - Gerry Adams is a sleekit get) Fernenst (nixt til - as in Norn Iron is fernenst the Free State) an' scunnered (fed up) an' sheugh (ditch).

Sevin. Ah think ah dealt wi this earlier in the bloag - aways use auld place names insteid o' the real new name. Fur example - "Ah am fur goan oan ma hallydays til Ceylon, wha is fernenst the Raj." Which remines me, stick "fur" in randomly - "Fur bye, are ye fur goin' til the anti-fur demo fur nat fur the wearin' o' fur? Ye boy ye." "Fur why," says he, "Fur ah dinnae like fur" etc etc.


Echt. Spell things wrang, an' dinnae gie a hoot.

Nine. If somebudy is hivin ye oan, dinnae say - "You're pulling my leg." Say "Yer auld arse"

Ten. Drink a lot. If its in ye, it'll come oot.


Finally, an' maist importanly, rememmer ye are spakin' the gratest langwidge iver spake. Yer spakin' the langwidge that Governer Walker used til the defenners o' the siege, yer spakin' the langwidge that Davy Crockett spake til his men at the Alamo. When Field Marshall Montgomery was asleep, he didnae dream in that posh voice, he dreamt in Ulster Scots. When Van Morrison cocht the train, it wis til Sandy Row. When George Best dribbled, it wis doon his chin. If yer married til an Amerkin, a kraut, a frog or a sassenach, dinnae be afraid til spake oot. Yiv larned thar auld langwidge, mak them larn yers.

Spake it loud, ah'm scunnered an' ah'm proud.

AH AM AN ULSTER SCOT AN' AH AM A FREE MAWN.

Unless ah'm a hen.