Monday, 7 September 2009

Tennent's Lager Lovelies

When nat drinkin' messel ah sometimes like til luk back an reminise aboot the guid auld days o' drinkin'. Normally in such circumstances yid expect tae fine some auld boy declarin' how chape drink usetae be. 2d fur a flaggon an' awl thy'on, but the noo ah' spen' maist o' ma time tellin' yung folk thit a can o' Harp frae Stewart's Wine Barrel usetae cost mair than a pint o' milk. Ah mind the days o' "Jaypurs its goantae be £2 a gallon soon!", but noo ye cud run a car oan imported Belgian lager far chaper than diesel.

Frae this premise a discussion developed in the 1690 office the o'er day. It turned oot thit Wee Davy is tae yung til hiv heard oan the Tennent's Lager Lovelies. In them days, ye nat oany gat a can o beer fur yer money, but ye gat some girl in a red sweater pictured oan the back fur til luk at wile ye drunk it. This wus mainly, ah reckon, fur the makers hid wurked oot thit if ye were lyin' aroun' drinkin' cans o' Tennents, the chances are yid hiv nae reel hens tae luk at.

1991

Ah gat messel til researchin the Tennents Lager Lovelies, an' it turns oot thit the last yin tae appear oan the back o' a can wis as racent as 1991! How in the name o' Lord Laird did they drag thy'on intae the 90s. Now Wee Davy wid oany hiv bin aboot 3 in 1991, but he is frae a generation thit drinks Bacardi Breezers, gaes tae "Awl Nicht Dances" an' think they invented coortin'. (Ah wid like til point oot thit by 1991 ah'd lukked at laist 3 gurls an' micht even hiv kissed yin o' them, but ah cannae quite remember, fur it wis the Twelfth, it wis dark unner yon bridge an' it micht hiv bin a Kilty frae a pipe band.)

Wee Davy, Ibiza boy thit he may be, thinks he lives in the glory days o' popular culture, but he disnae realise thit he missed oot oan yin o' the gratest cultural phenomenoms o' the last wheen o' years - drinkin beer frae a can wi' a big haired blonde oan it.

Lovelies.

Sae like ah said ah lukked up the Lager Lovelies an' hiv foun possibly the gratest website known til mawn (after this yin). The Tennent's Lager Lovelies Website (incorporatin' a full Scottish Can Archive) is yin mawns magnum opus til the can. It covers ivry angle o' the lager lovely, frae Anne in the 1960s, thru' til the sad demise o' this yince proud institution in the early 90s. Ah urge yis especially fur ti examine "Penny's Day" - which mainly consists o' Penny drinkin' Tennent's in various states o' undress, but nat revailin' her boakin' oan her shoes ootside Captain Cook's whilst waitin' oan a taxi back til Gilford.

Shack

Thy'on site gaes far intae the histry o' the Lager Lovelies, but ma research went still farther. Ah hiv foun' a shackin' picture which micht open a hole can o' worms fur the yinst cupple o' Norn Iron palitics. Ah'm sayin' nae mair, fur sake o' libel type things. Ah wid jist say shid be ma choice o' can oan oany day o' the week.


10 comments:

Manuel said...

ha you slipped we iris in there.......she scare the beer right out of ya......hoor

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Dinnae knae whit yer fashin' aboot. Ah jist stuck oan the picture. Dae ye think its her? It luks a bit like her ah suppose.

Peter said...

You watch your step McWilliams!
Nobody, but nobody calls my Iris a beer tin whore. Any more lip from you and you´ll be getting my boot up your arse.

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Peter - are ye sayin' thit thy'on oer hens oan the cans are o' aisy virtue? Tak a luk at Georgina fur gawds sake. The weemen oan the back o' the Tennents cans were awl guid gurls.

They wur put thar tae remind ye o' yer wife, oor partner, at hame, sae as ye widnae drink tae much.

John Henry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Peter Robinson said...

My Iris is a good born again Christian woman and if proof were needed, why she even hates poofs. Her past sins, such as appearing on tins of beer in various states of undress have been washed away by the lamb´s blood and don´t need revisiting by anyone. I hope I don´t have to tell you again that my mate Martin would be only too willing to get the hurling bat out if I only say the word.

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Libel passible in oanythin ah want til say aboot ye, Peter, ye big Jessie.

Suffice tae say, if ah wis Iris, ah'd be homerphobic tae. Fur gawds Sake. Wilson? In yer ain bed?

By which ah main' Wilson Picket, an the listenin' til aff.

Manuel said...

she's scared of the gays....this makes me laugh....

John Henry said...

Going back to a point you made in your post, I remember well the times when a quarter bottle of bush cost 2.50 and a case of osterbrau was only 6 quid (although I never drank the poison).

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Oranjeboom wus dirt chape tae, but ye cudnae git 54 cans o' Tennent's fur £20, gurls oor nae gurls.