When nat drinkin' messel ah sometimes like til luk back an reminise aboot the guid auld days o' drinkin'. Normally in such circumstances yid expect tae fine some auld boy declarin' how chape drink usetae be. 2d fur a flaggon an' awl thy'on, but the noo ah' spen' maist o' ma time tellin' yung folk thit a can o' Harp frae Stewart's Wine Barrel usetae cost mair than a pint o' milk. Ah mind the days o' "Jaypurs its goantae be £2 a gallon soon!", but noo ye cud run a car oan imported Belgian lager far chaper than diesel.
Frae this premise a discussion developed in the 1690 office the o'er day. It turned oot thit Wee Davy is tae yung til hiv heard oan the Tennent's Lager Lovelies. In them days, ye nat oany gat a can o beer fur yer money, but ye gat some girl in a red sweater pictured oan the back fur til luk at wile ye drunk it. This wus mainly, ah reckon, fur the makers hid wurked oot thit if ye were lyin' aroun' drinkin' cans o' Tennents, the chances are yid hiv nae reel hens tae luk at.
Ah gat messel til researchin the Tennents Lager Lovelies, an' it turns oot thit the last yin tae appear oan the back o' a can wis as racent as 1991! How in the name o' Lord Laird did they drag thy'on intae the 90s. Now Wee Davy wid oany hiv bin aboot 3 in 1991, but he is frae a generation thit drinks Bacardi Breezers, gaes tae "Awl Nicht Dances" an' think they invented coortin'. (Ah wid like til point oot thit by 1991 ah'd lukked at laist 3 gurls an' micht even hiv kissed yin o' them, but ah cannae quite remember, fur it wis the Twelfth, it wis dark unner yon bridge an' it micht hiv bin a Kilty frae a pipe band.)
Wee Davy, Ibiza boy thit he may be, thinks he lives in the glory days o' popular culture, but he disnae realise thit he missed oot oan yin o' the gratest cultural phenomenoms o' the last wheen o' years - drinkin beer frae a can wi' a big haired blonde oan it.
Sae like ah said ah lukked up the Lager Lovelies an' hiv foun possibly the gratest website known til mawn (after this yin). The Tennent's Lager Lovelies Website (incorporatin' a full Scottish Can Archive) is yin mawns magnum opus til the can. It covers ivry angle o' the lager lovely, frae Anne in the 1960s, thru' til the sad demise o' this yince proud institution in the early 90s. Ah urge yis especially fur ti examine "Penny's Day" - which mainly consists o' Penny drinkin' Tennent's in various states o' undress, but nat revailin' her boakin' oan her shoes ootside Captain Cook's whilst waitin' oan a taxi back til Gilford.
Thy'on site gaes far intae the histry o' the Lager Lovelies, but ma research went still farther. Ah hiv foun' a shackin' picture which micht open a hole can o' worms fur the yinst cupple o' Norn Iron palitics. Ah'm sayin' nae mair, fur sake o' libel type things. Ah wid jist say shid be ma choice o' can oan oany day o' the week.