It wis with a sense o' shack thit ah woke up this mornin' til Wee Billy tellin' me thit messel an' (clearly til a lesser extent) the rest o' the 1690 affice hiv bin awardeded the No Bell Piece Prize fur Peace. Nat yin person ah knae wus aware thit this micht happen, nat even oor internationally reknowned Ulster Scots intelligence services. Apparently the prize his bin giv nat sae much fur whit ah hiv achieved, but fur whit micht ah micht git roun' til wi' messel in a position o' power. This micht be true, fur since the affset ah hiv said thit the o'er surt arnae tae bad. If ye kin kaip yer distance it micht be passible fur us all til live peaceibly in the yin country.
Ah hiv til admit thit a true Ulster Scot like messel pointin' oot the obvious physical (if nat mental) attractions o' Husky Catriona is a step forward in the wurld o' peace, but ne'ertheless there are insurmountable obstacles yit fur til be surmounted. Whilst ah am happy fur til accept the award, an the check thit gaes wi' it, oan behalf o' the braid Ulster Scots Academic Community, ah wud like fur til point oot thit there is manies a hurdle til gae under afore we kin truely say we like the o'er surt.
At this point ah wud like fur til thank a few folk.
Yin: Mrs McWilliams, fur holdin' back on the divorce papers an' Wullie an' WJ McIlveen fur thar continual fictionalness.
Twa: Wee Polly fur her durty photos, Rosie frae the Plum fur her ability til react appropriately, Manuel, Fattie an' the Auld boy fur thar bizarre contributions, an'
Thrie: John fur dealin' wi' objections frae Germany an' the three wees fur thar support in the affice.
But its ma check frae the peace folk an' ah will maist likely spend it oan beer.