An Lo........(agin)*

Buk o' Nichts Oot

Chapter Yin

Verse Yin.

An Lo.......

The 1690 affice folk didst gae oot fur a drink last nicht, a nicht wha eventually resulted in the Heid Yin feelin' like he'd bin snuck up oan by a gang o' badgers an' lept oan, the wee stripey buggers scratchin his very brain wi thar big diggin' claws.

Verse twa....

It bein' the feast o' the Friday the Heid Yin didst declare thit a celebration wis necessary, yin involvin' the consumption o' miraculous liquids. Thus he gathered taegither the thrie "Wees" - Davy, Patsy an' Daftie -  an' led them intil the East, where they didst fine alcohol.  After a wheen o' minutes they were joint by the sacred litter picker, wha' didst drink wine, whilst lukkin' slightly bemused.

Verse Thrie....

An the Heid Yin didst rise up an' say.." Ma brother hast a hoose nat far frae here. Let us proceed til there an' fine chaper methods o' drinkin'." The folk didst fally the Heid Yin, an' he led them til the promised lawnd. Thar they foun' awl manner o' liquids, which they didst drink oan heartily. But the folk didst grae restless.... "We arest hungry, Heid Yin," they cried, "Fur whit shall ye dae til fulfill oor naids?" "Fear nat," sayeth the Heid Yin, "Fur ah kin turn this telephone intil Pizza simply by pressin' these buttons in a magical order, makin a mawn appear a lock o' minutes later." An thus it came til pass, thit the Heid Yin didst perform the miracle o' the Phone an' the Five Pizzas.

Verse Fower.....

Hivin produced an' consumed o' the fuid the Heid Yin didst perform a second miracle. "Luk" he sayeth, "Patsy claimeth til be Wee, but I shalst fit intil her so-called skinny jeans." An' the Heid Yin didst vanish briefly, afore returnin' lukkin' hat in gurl's troos. "Patsy", saith the Heid Yin, "Until now thou hast bin called Wee, but frae the noo though shalt be called "Big" - this shid nat be construed as insultin' in any way, fur yer arse must be big, if I, a fat bastard, kin wear yer jeans." The Heid Yin didst consider wearin' Big Patsy's Jeans oot, but thunk better of it.***

Verse Five.....

Thus the Heid Yin an' his disciples didst consume a wile lat o' miraculous liquids. They didst drink of the Beer, the Cider, the Champagne, the Poteen, the Unicum**, the Rum, the Whiskey, the Wine, the Peach Schnapps, the Apple Schnapps an' the Coke. Wee Davy didst declare hissel a virgin' an' Wee Daftie an' the Litter Picker didst show far tae much cleavage thin is dacent.

Verse Six....

Ah cannae rememmer whit happened durin' verse six.

Verse Seven....

The Heid Yin didst rise frae the deid an' gae hame, whar upon he didst fall asleep oan the settee.

* "An Lo" equals lazy post fur ah cannae be arsed oan the thinkin', merely givin' yer nicht oot a biblical twist is a bit o' a cop oot.

** Unicum wis a gift frae Hungary ah believe, an' it tastes rattin. It made Wee Daftie very, very drunk.

*** Ah'm waitin' oan the photos, fur ah luk hat tae touch......