He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy

Ah noted wi' intrest that Gerry Adams his gat hissel a wee side job as a religious TV presenter. Nat sure if he divvyed up his fee wi' the party as he says he does, but sure he was daein' the laird's work, as always. Oan the programme's conklusion ah was swiftly oan the phone tae Chanel 4 wonderin' how come the Rev Dr Big Ian Paisley didnae get oan tae explain the formative influence of Pope Pius XI on his religious teachings, an' was told that future programmes are unner development. Chanel 4 intends fur tae show us how many famous folk hiv had their lives influenced by others, an' how thesuns endeavour fur tae reflect this in their daily lifes. Takin' a lead frae the obvious Christ like life of Gerry, future programmes include......

• "Diane Dodds and Me - Lady Gaga's Fashion Odyssey."
• "Confusious He Say - the Wisdom of Sammy Wilson"
• "Goodbye Garvaghy Road: Duets - Elton John and Willie McCrea"
• "From Evolution to Devolution - Edwin Poots and the Ascent of Man"
• "Long Walk to Freedom: Nelson Mandela meets Andy Tyrie"*
• "Purity and Piety - Iris Robinson explores the life of Mother Theresa."
• "Comedy Heroes - The Hole in the Wall Gang"

Jeffrey his bin foun'

I foun' him down the back o' ma couch. He wus lukkin' for change, somethin' tae dae wi' expenses ah think.
Nae truth in the rumour that Iris is likewise hidin' oot w' messel.


*Andy Tyrie not necessarily still alive.