Who will win tonight ah wunder? Oany yin way til fine oot, by awardin' points til the leaders based oan cliches an' odd things thit take ma fancy.
9.10 - 5 pts til Ritchie - excessive hand gestures
9.11 - 5 pts til Adams fur unnecessary an' irrlelevant reference til yer Fermanagh woman as a workin mother
9.12 - 10 pts til Reg - Dogs in the street knowin somethin
9.16 - 5 pts Robinson - "would you not agree with me."
9.17 - 15 pts til Gerry fur using the Ulster Scots "fur you til interupt me"
9.18 - Reg - 5 pts, "fantasy economics." 2 pts off for repeating.
No more points for growing private sector
0 pts til the questioner for makin nae sense
9.20 - 10 pts til Reg - elephant in the room
9.21 - -5 pts til Ritchie - repeated use of "nae doubt"
9.21 - 5 mair til Ritchie - hand gesticulation
9.22 - 0 pts til Peter - talkin' crap about expenses when his wife his Ireland's biggest pen
9.23 - 15pts Gerry says scunnered, however -5 for saying scundered, with a d.
9.24 - God, how can ye claim fur a briefcase -5 til Peter for crap talkin'
9.25 - Ritchie again - go Margaret on the Shinners expenses - 50 pts. Bout time someone mentioned Pat Doherty's bizarre 21000 bill fur a flat he flew til twice.
9.26 - -20 on Gerry, failure tae answer Margaret's question aboot the above.
9.29 - -15 tae Peter - talkin brock about family members workin fur him. Aye right.
9.30 - -5 til SDLP. Jaipurs Margaret putt yer hands doon.
9.31 - +5 til Peter - Endorsin' somethin' Margaret says, watch yer back love.
9.33 - +5 Gerry, mmmmm, loves Martin - so courageous.
9.34 - -5 Reg - wanting the army back
9.35 - -5 Gerry - not wanting them back
9.35 - +5 Reg - "sweeping under the carpet."
9.37 - +10 Peter - jaipurs he made a bit of sense on the army. Very odd
9.38 - -10 Gerrry - should sue Peter for saying he's in the IRA live on TV.
9.40 - Margaret +5 cliche points - "young people at the doors telling me"
9.40 - not sure who gets points here - Gerry says don't vote UCUNF, which Unionist shud they vote for ah wunner. An edorsement frae Gerry hardly gaes doon well in Ballymena.
9.42 - Whit is a policin' protocol? Nae wurry, at laist there are some.
-40 points til the three questioners - all the same really.
9.44 - Peter - +5, "no apology til make" shud hiv give him points fur thy'on before, fur he his made nae apology oan several occasions already
9.45 - -5 Gerry "Orange midwife" -5 "young mother" again.
9.46 - -5 Reg "moving forward" ah am sick o' moving forward. Wud quite like til stan still fur a bit.
9.48 - Margaret - +10 Margaret - saying something I agree with, but -5 for lookin' confused.
9.49 - Ah am goin' til the toilet.
9.51 - Back, didnae wash me hands or anythin', minor splashin'
9.52 - -5 Gerry, aye, we knae she is a yung woman in Fermanagh
9.53 - -10 til Peter - utter contradiction in wantin' a pact in S Belfast til get a Unionist in after sayin' the reason fur havin yin in Fermanagh was about representation, nat Unionism.
9.54 - +10 til Sir Reg fur the infurmation that S Belfast is 53% wimmin, guid advice Reg, might move til there. Ah reckon its all those wee cuddies at Stran
Summin up bit
9.55 - Sick of this. Goantae git a beer.
Ritchie - 60
Gerry - -10
Peter - -5
Reginald - 33
(all addin' up subject til beer)
A clear winner in Margaret "the hands" Ritchie. Reginald performs well despite saddlin' hissel with a pompous arse o' a laider, Gerry makes a few things up an' Peter luks smug but is, in the heels o' the hunt, as bent as Elton.
Bate that Belfawst Tele, ma review is oor well befair yer ain.