Big Jim Shannon spakes.

Jaipurs but it wus a quare day in the Hoose of Communs the day, as Strangfurd's ain Jim Shannon addressed the heid yins fur the yinst time. Ah wus a bit tuk aback til fine thit it his taken him a full month fur til say anythin'. Ah dinnae ken aboot yerself, but if ah gat messel a new jab, an' didnae open ma mouth fur 4 weeks, ah wud expect the sack. Howiver spake he did, an' magnificantly tae.

 His wurds was as fallies, note the slight variation betwain Mr Shannon's use o' the hamely tongue, an' ma ain spellin'. He is frae the Ards, ah amnae.

"Thaur is monies a guid thang at A cud sae aboot tha fowk o mi Baille-Wick bot yince an firmaist A coont it a muckle oaner tae spake oot oan thair ahauf in tha Hoose O Commons.

"Tha Strengfird fowk ir tha sat o tha yirth, an in thenkin thaim fer thair support A wud promis thaim at A'll wrocht an dae fer thaim aa at A caun."

Now the BBC website says that big Jim - "says he is not a fluent speaker of Ulster-Scots but is a keen enthusiast." Aye then Jim - keep yer gub shut, oor else come an' talk til an expert like messel afore ye spout aff in the Hoose.

"Thenkin" an' "Strengfird"are clearly Cherry Velley wurds, an' as fur Baillie-wick, wur did he get thy'on frae? Tae the best o' ma knawledge, it is an auld Inglis term. The correct Ulster Scots wurd fur a palitician's constituency is his shitehole.

Alsae accordin' til the BBC - "Mr Shannon also paid tribute to Iris Robinson, his predecessor as Strangford MP, whom he said was "well-known for her years as a conscientious worker". Knain a wee bit tae well ah wud say, in the biblical sense at laist.

Big Ian

Is the noo the Rev Dr Big Laird Ian Paisley o' my Arse, accordin' til oor pole. A fittin' epitihet fur the great mawn's career.