Wiki Laiks - Shack Revelations.

It is wi' grate interest that Ah read the Wiki Laik things frae the tap secert US government documents. The 1690 affice was fortunate enough til get haul o' these papers, an' hiv spent the last wheen o' days ploughin' through them fur revelations that relate til oor ain part o' the wurld. From whit we hiv discovered the American diplamats have hid much til say oan matters here, revealin' potentially embarrassin' facts that cut right til the centre o' power. In revealin' these things til yis, Ah must point oot that it is fur yerselves til decide oan their veracity, Ah am merely passin' oan the information.

Laiks

• Aughnacloy is on the verge of becomin' a nuclear power. The folk in Dungannon asked the USA to bomb the village's nuclear facility due to fears that this would destabilise the region.
• The popular hallyday destination o' Portrush is actually a hole wi' nathin' til dae in it. 
• The Giant Causeway was nat made by God, takes ages til get til, an' then is a bit dissapointin' when ye dae. 
• A prominant Royal said that both Norn Iron an' the Free State were wile corrupt, wi' boys gettin' backhanders for plannin' permission. 
• Stormount is led by eejits who are unfit to govern. Furst Minister Peter Rabinson once led a lock o' boys in a mock invasion o' a neighbourin' state. He saul his garden for a fiver, his wife routinely abused minority groups, an' then hid an affair wi' a young fella. The deputy Furst Minister was right an' high up in a terrorist group that killed a wile lock o' folk. However the diplomats say that they shud be left in power as it keeps us frae killin' eacho'er.
• The Finance Minister is totally unqualified fur the job, an' once had his arse out in the paper. 
• The Free State is alsae run by arseholes, who hiv saul their country til Europe in order tae get another bunch of arseholes in the banks out of bother.
• The Twelfth is borin'.
• Lisburn an' Newry are towns nat cities. Londonderry is nat really the same size as Belfast an' dusnae need an airport. 
• Portavogie is buildin' up its military strength with a view til annexin' Ballyhalbert an' issuin' a UDI.
• Give my Head Peace an' the Blame Game are nat funny.

Pole News - 

In a very tight vote Sammy is officially Arse o' the Year. Ah will be makin' his certificate forthwith, an' wingin' it o'er til him on his wee Facebuk page. Meanwhile messel' an' the Rev McFetridge bate aff young Kirk, thus managin' til be crowned Ulster Scot's of the year an' makin' Iris wild jealous in the process.

Norn Iron Wurld Cup Bid.

The vote is the marra an' due til the corruption that clearly riddles FIFA we are nat in it. As we await the result it is perhaps a good time til remine oorselves o' whit cud hiv bin............