Dinnae Badger oor Sam. (a better heidline than the last yin)

Bluey/Orangeyness

Fur thosuns oot thair wha fally this, av changed colours agin'. The votin' a few odd weeks back wis inconclusive but the fitba wis over, an ah hid naithin' better til dae.

Return o' the Man.

Guid news fur supporters o' Sammy Wilson who his arisin' frae his holt tae take a stan' for a cause close tae the enviromentalists' harts. Sammy his ris up fur the badger, yin o' the native Ulster Scot native spices. He his demandeded a stap til the batin' o' them, insteid lukkin fur the perpretaters til be slammed up. Interestinly Sammy his blamed the Direk Rule goverment fur a failure tae dail wi' these boys correkly, an' calls fur mair co-operation wi' the Free State. Wile ah' think he's up a left thair, he is richt til raise his heid oan this, an' his spakesman said this firm stanin' wis nathin' til do wi' the enviromental madness o' last week.

Baste

Fur comment oan this ah hid a wurd wi' Jackie McElholm o' the Larne branch o' the Ulster Scots Anti-Baste an' Fish Batin' League who wus all in favir o' Sammy's move. Jackie said that the Badger, wi his cute black an' white face, wis symbolic o' the new multi-cultural Ulster, albiet yin wair the Ulster Scot was chief. He argued that if ye wanted til bate a baste yid be better off sortin' oot a non-native spice like the pygmy shrew.

Polis

Ah tried til use a few polis contaks frae the early 70s til talk til yin o' the baters themselfs but dispite thair best efforts we cudnae git haul o' them. Howiver yin Specil Branch contak reckoned that somethin' mair sinsiter was afoot. He taul me that the batin ring was a cross border lat based aroun' Newry. Ah think we all knaw ethnic cleansin' when we see it.

Polin

Nain o' this detracts frae oor pole, fur it is still advisable that Sugar Ray shud hae oor insite intil who shud replace Sammy, if naids must. Iris is currently straits aheid an' ah'm fur thinkin' that thy'on photae ah stuck up micht be influencin' ye, but ah want ye tae furget her beuty an' think oan hard political ideals. Though she is lovely. Very lovely indaid.