50/50 Polisin' an farewell til folk.

Accordin' til the BBC, the goverment in Westminister has decided fur til end the 50/50 polisin' recruitment palicy in 6 days time. Fur ma foreign fallyers the palicy was introduced under the Pattin reforms o' 1999, an' aimed til give a fairer balance in oor polisin' service. Unner the legislation, 50% o' polis afficers had tae be lazy work shy bastards wha sat on their arses in cars atin' chinese, whilst the o'er 50% lay on theirs in the station drinkin' caffee an' lookin' at dodgy wabsites.

Welcomin' the change, a goverment spakesman said "As Norn Iron moves into the Twentieth Century, it is oany right thit polis afficers git til choose where til faff aboot daein' nathin'. In future afficers can go til Starbucks oor the Chinese, as the mood takes them."

The change in palicy will alsae allow the PSNI to increase the nummer o' thick, arrogant gits in the force, whilst weedin' oot those who turn up wi'in 12 days o' a crime bein' reported.

Bon Voyige.

Til Wee Daftie an' Wee Davy, twa key memmers o' the 1690 back affice staff o'er the past lock o' years. Whit wi' Sammy Wilson bein' a complait bastard, haulin' the purse strings like a Ballymena mawn, ma twa cohorts are fur emigratin' til somewhere foreign. Ah will miss the pair o' them, fur they cud drink wi' the best o' them, an' wish them the best o' luck. Ah alsae expect a free hallyday at some point or o'er.