Knackered

Too tired fur a praper update taenicht. For yin thing ah spent a large part o' the day in high level negotiations fur til promote the City o' Culture campaign by gittin' tap international celebrities fur til support Ballyhalbert. Sae far wiv signed up Nelson Mandela, Rabbie Williams, Samuel L Jackson an' Candy Divine.  Aside frae thy'on ah wud encourage yis awl fur til spread the word oan the facebuk thing, an' ah kin noo unveil oor slogan.....

Ballyhalbert 2015: nat as far tae go tae git crabs as Portavogie.

Ah'm nat mad fur it messel, fur ah fear it sends oot the wrang message, but the consensus saimed til lain in the crab direction.

Omen.

In a strange omen, yin wi' bodes well fur oor campaign, Wee*Patsy in the 1690 Affice got a tea stain in her cup in the shape o' Norn Iron. Ah thunk yis micht like to see it.

*In earlier versions o' this article, the wurd "Big" wus accidentally used instied o' "Wee". After representations frae Patsy, and the treat o' physical violence, the error his bin addressed. Ah apologise fur any affence caused.

Ballyhalbert: UK City o' Culture Bit Thrie

Facebuk

The face buk thing is unnerway an' gatherin' momentum. There is now 36 folk signed up fur til support us. Accordin' til oor statistatics expert at the Larne School o' Economics, ivry yin o' these folk represents at laist 43 o'er folk - fur example wives, pets, reclusive Aunts an' yins wi' nae interweb. Thy'on mains thit there is approximately a clatter o' folk behine oor campaign.

The success o' which kin be judged by the fak thit wur back in the paper. It's still the Tele, fur the Newsletter hisnae tuk us oan yit, but wur gatherin' notice. Ma ambition is fur til be in the Ulster Scot - the suppliament wi' comes wi' the Newletter the odd time - but ye niver knaw when, sae ye niver buy it. Anyhow, ye kin git it fur nathin' the odd place if ye hing aboot lang enough which saves ye frae buyin the paper.


Ballyhalbert Campaign.

Ah've wurked oot whar wiv bin ga'in wrang. In Bit Yin, ah relied tae heavily oan folksy charm. "Luk at us wi' oor hamely tongue an' swings." ah saimed til be sayin. The mistake ah'd made wus fur tae expect thit judges o' a national cultural competition wud awlready hiv bin fully aware o' the exittin' opportunities available in Ballyhalbert. This I will rectify this evenin'.

Yin: Sport.

Ballyhalbert is famous fur the prowess o' its Sportin' Folk. Amung manies a stadium thit lurks in the village is the Alex Higgins Memorial (even though he isnae deid) Velodrome. Ah hiv tae admit thit thy'on is an unusual name fur the hame groun' o' Ballyhalbert Rangers FC (Played 16, Wun 90). This multi-porpose ampitheatre wis originally erected jist before the 3rd Hame Rule Bill as a marshallin' point fur the local Volunteers, but his since his become synonimouse wi' sport in the Aist Ards region.



Twa - Music

Ballyhalbert Accordian hiv wun prizes far an' wide fur both thar music an' genral uniform turnoot. They are well knawn fur bein the best (passibly oany) Blood an' Thunner Accordian Bawnd in the North, except fur the Corbet. Since 1993 their Bawnd Hall his bin gradually expanded frae its original 23 seater capacity. Fur noo it is yin o' the premier audiotoriums knawn til mawn, frequented frequently by musical folk like Pavorotti, Simon the Bon, an' Wullie Drennan.


Thrie: Media

Ballyhalbert Orange Hall is unrecognizable frae the original construction erected in the village in 1326. The current structure, designed by tap German brutalist architect Hans von Fundiment in 1926, is a purposefully built international media centre, replete wi' phones, fax, an' a wireless - perfectly positionin' Ballyhalbert fur til dail wi awl the attention thit micht come its way frae Belfast (if we win.)






Thy'on ill dae fur the nicht, though ah dae hiv a guid picture o' an Art Gallery an' a nat leaning tower.

Pole -

Reg is yer choice fur tap Hen Boy politician, though ah reckon Catriona his the voice. Ah widnae mine seein' whit a Lady Boy Jeffrey D wud luk like. Ma guess is nat thit much differn.  Ah'm stuck fur a pole taenicht, mainly due tae alcohol imperment. Ah micht think oan yin tamarra.

Ballyhalbert: UK City o' Culture Part Twa.

Wiv bin rejected, oot o' hand. Based oan some kindae "hivin' mair thin a wheen o' folk" criterion. Ah will come back til this when ah've mair time. Fur the noo ah've bin plottin'.....

Ah'm nat fur stannin' fur thy'on, sae ah hiv tried fur til make somethin' involvin' Facebuk. Ah hiv nae idea how thy'on works, sae if anyyin oot thar kin tell me if ah hiv successfully created a group it micht help.

Ballyhalbert: UK City o' Culture Facebuk thing.

Ballyhalbert - UK City o' Culture - Part Yin......

As announced the o'er day, 1690 raiders surprisinly voted fur the humble Ards village o' Ballyhalbert as thar namination fur UK City o' Culture.  Ah cud fair detect the gasps o' shack frae amung the sae called "intelligentsia", sittin' up in thar posh Belfast an' Londonderry penthooses, drinkin' foreign things an' shoutin' the odds aboot how grate thar auld places are. Ye kin bet thit hardly yin o' them his sae much as set fut in Ballyhalbert, neverminds spent oany time in the Sandycoves caravan park. As pointed oot in oor escreed til the City o' Culture judges, Belfast an' Londonderry are far frae cultured places, whit wi' awl the wimmin oot shappin' in thar pyjamas. Admittedly Lurgan his made a late surge wi' its demonstrations o' traditional Mid-Ulster customs o'er the weekend, but Ballyhalbert is, wi'oot doubt, the standerd barer fur culture in this Province.

Dossier.

Ah hiv thus begun til put taegither ma' full bid fur Ballyhalbert tae be crowned UK City o' Culture, explorin' the beautiful village wi' its complex histerical past an' artistic present. This is jist a small selection o' whit Ballyhalbert his til offer.

Village Life.

Appearances kin be deceptive. Ballyhalbert may luk like thars nathin much gaein' oan but in fak it is a hotbed o' cultural, artistic an' sportin' endevour. This view o' Ballyhalbert frae the 1950s (appropriately named general view, raither than in depth study) surprisinly shows a young John Lennon (frae the Beetles) at play behind his granmaither's hoose. There are strawberries growin' in the field behine him.



Swings.

As pointed oot in an earlier instawlment o' this blog, gaein' til the swings is an intrinsic part o' oany Norn Iron Seaside hallyday.This used til involve auld folk sittin' in the wind watchin' yung folk fall aff antiquated, rustin' death traps, but nat in Ballyhalbert, fur it his yin o' the highest tech sets o' swings an' the like oan the Ards. Apart frae swings it contains a variety o' rockin' animals, as well as a tunnel an' a soft falling oan surface. The gate is designed fur tae stap teenagers gettin' in an' wreckin'.




Histeric Monuments.

Londonderry may hiv it Walls an' Guildhall,  Belfast it's City Hall an' Giant Ring, but Ballyhalbert his a plethora of things left o'er frae the last war thit naebudy iver buthered til tumble. Bein' flat, Ballyhalbert wis an ideal spat fur an airbase in the war, an' thus played its ain' small part in defaitin' Hitler, unlike them o'er twa cities. These unique an' picturesque buildins shud be a must luksee fur international visiters. This particular example is used fur community art projects by local wains.




Ulster Scots

Ballyhalbert is at the fowerfront o' the drive til see Ulster Scots established as yin o' the wurlds lingua franka. Nat oany dae maist o' the folk spake it in thar day til day lifes, but awl the signs in the area noo portray the hamely tongue. It is interestin' til note thit the folk o' Ballyhalbert are culturallly accomdodatin'. Although fully aware o' the auld Ulster Scots name o' Talbotstoun, they are happy tae use the mair widely knain (an oan the map) anglicised Irish name - Ballyhalbert. Take note Londonderry folk, nae auld daftness here..



Tap accomodation.

Whichiver city wins this covetted title will require a wile lat o' bed space fur the wurldwide visiters wha will flack til it. Oan this front Ballyhalbert wilnae let yis down. No fewer thin seventy four caravan sites take advantage o' the auld airbases o' the region, providin' beds fur up tae 18,000 summer tourists. Thus as well as takin' in the breathtakin flatness o' Ballyhalbert, oor visiters kin widen thar cutlural horizons, livin' alangside 8 drunk 16 year olds oan a weekend away frae Carrickfergus.

Nixt time we will examine the cultural happinin's o' the place.

Mrs McWilliams

Is nat an attraction in Ballyhalbert, unless shis visitin', but she wus near arrested taeday due tae dissident republican activity. She disnae much like turnin richt oot o' her wurk, sae did her usual manouever o' ga'in left, then swingin' roun' in a layby an' procaidin' hame. Unfortunately she wus spatted by the polis wha assumed thit she wis avoidin' thar checkpoint an' must be carryin' a large amount o' weaponry. It tuk her a wile fur til realise thit the sirens were fur her.
The lesson in this is clear: wimmin - learn fur tae drive richt oor yi'll end up in Long Kesh.

Pole

Lukkin interestin'.

UK City o' Culture and Hen Boys.

UK City o' Culture.

A kin proudly announce thit 1690's entry fur UK city o' culture is Ballyhalbert. It wis a close run thing, but in the end the attractions o' yin o' Ard's premier tourist destinations have wun through. Ah think we micht be stretchin' the term city a bit but Lisburn disnae even hiv a hotel an' Ballyhalbert his a rake o' caravan sites.

Ah've dun oot the form an' sent it aff. a picture o' an extract is below. This is oany an expression o' interest form sae ye dinnae hiv tae gae intil any level o' detail. Thus ah hiv time fur tae put taegither ma praper bid o'er the weekend.

Bangkok Hen Boys

Ah gat a quare shack when a lukked at the Belfawst Telegraf the o'er day an' discovered thit a rake o' thy'on Laddie-Boys a fur comin' til Ulster wi' some kine o' durty show. It disnae saim tae lang since they were chainin' up the swings o' a Sunday an' now luk at the levels we've sunk til. We hiv bin debatin' an appropriate reaction here in the 1690 orifice, Ah'm fur protestin', fur this kindae carry-on is an abomination agin the Laird, but Wullie McIlveen an' wee Davy are fur organisin' a work outin' fur til luk at them.

A wide rangin' series o' roun' table discussions fallyed oan frae this, mainly focussin' on how ye micht git tae be a Laddie Boy. Wullie McIlveen hid a few theories, mainly involvin' pumps o' yin type or an o'er, but the oany conclusion we come til is thit it wid be likely fur til be wile sore.*

Pole

Hivin' made nae definite decision as tae how we shud react til thesuns comin' oe'r wi' thar strange hen/mawnness we hid originally planned fur til allow yousuns tae decide whither we shud buk tickets or paint placards. Howiver the discussion on how tae turn yersel intae yin o' thy'on Lady-folk led til an alternative vote - which Stormount Minister wud luk best as a Hen Boy.

* Ah am fur warnin' yis, Auld Knunsden and John Henry in particular, thit this is a family blog, an' awl overly disgustin comments will be deleted by somebody or o'er, eventually.

UK City o' Culture

Brakin News (kindae)

Ah hid a lang post ready fur taenicht (the 17th) but yousuns hiv bin changin the vote. Ah cannae dail wi' the UK city o' culture entry til yis decide betwain Ballyhalbert an Newbuildings. Late rush frae Katesbridge, wha actually his a fair claim, fur its niver aff the wither forecast fur bein' wile hat oor caul.

This is really last nichts post.

Jist a quick yin taenicht fur ah hiv wurk til dae, but luk....

UK City o' Culture forms

Ah hid fur assumed thit thy'on competition wis o'er, but whit ah noo prepose fur til dae is fur til fill these forms oot an sen' them aff til London.

Newbuildin' is in the laid, but ah wish tae Gawd ah'd thunk oan Moneyslane when ah made up the pole. Any thochts oan whit ah shud put in them wud be appreciated, ah cannae rely solely oan the presents o' an MoT centre.

Tele.

Ma thankins til the cupple o' raiders wha screeded in oan the tele website. But ah dinnae hiv a "scatter gun" approach, Mr Bardsy, this is awl carefully considered.

Video Gamin Bit Twa.

Telegraf

Afore we git oantae the big news fur the week thars bin quare crack in the Tele o'er the heid o' oor wee article. Ah wus a bit taken aback by the fak thit they printed it at awl, and nat sae keen oan thar introduction an' heidline. Fur yin thing, they didnae address messel as Professor, an' saimed til imply thit we micht be some kine o' cod thing, rather than the tap Ulster Scots histerical, campaignin' an' infermation portal. They alsae referred tae Nelson as the "Culchie" minister, even though the Minister fur the culchies is Michelle Gildernew.

A few o' the comments hiv bin interestin'. Ah'm debatin' whether oor nat tae join in messel.

Video Gamin.....

A wheen o' weeks ago we announce thit the Carrickfergus based computer games company Micrasaft hid broke the mould wi the launch o' thar new game - Flute Hero. At the time we hinted thit there wus o'er games in development an' taenicht ah kin brake the news thit "Lambeg Idol" will be released across mid-Ulster sometime in the nixt lock o' days.

With a full celebrity endoresement frae Simon Caul, the game allows ye til either jist hiv a rattle o' the canes in the arcade style or embark oan' a complex career mode. This option allows ye til wurk yer way roun' minor parades an' practices before buildin' up til the big yin - the Markethill drummin' match.Ye kin alsae customise yer drum frae a range o' pictures, an' the delux version includes a complex cane attachment fur yer Wee remotes. Afore ye know it, yi'll be batterin' yer way frae Drumnavaddy til Donaghcloney.

O'er matters: Yin, the Pole

The pole appears fur tae be comin' doon til a straight ficht betwain Ballyhalbert an' Newbuildings. Both towns hiv thar sellin' points, an' it micht be wurth pausin' fur til consider which yin cud take Ulster forward in the UK city o' culture competition.

Newbuildings -

• 
  
  his mair flegs per heid of population thin anywhere in Western Europe
• 
  
  his a Long's supermarket wi' a phone box ootside.
• 
  
  his yin o' the maist original placenames o' awl time
• 
  
  his an MOT centre

Ballyhalbert -

• 
  
  is oan the Ards, fur gawds sake.
• 
  
  his a new shap oan the road til Greyabbey
• 
  
  his its placename in Ulster Scots
• 
  
  is direckly betwain Portavogie an' Ballywalter

It is fur youse tae decide which yin o' these features wud maist influence the judges. Ah reckon thit the presence o' an MOT centre micht swing it fur Newbuildings.

O'er matters: Twa, advice til a hen

Wud somebody plaise tell the fat lass that I saw in Smyth's chip shap oan the Cregagh road this evenin' thit hivin' a tattoo oan each ankle does nat make her intae Angelina Jolie.

Telegraf agin

Jaipurs wur in baither noo.....

Personally I think "themuns" is a perfectly guid word fur tae describe the oe'r sort. Ah kin think o' worse.



Ah'm dyin' fur til take this seriously.

Cult my arse, ah hivnae kidnapped an' brainwashed any yin fur at laist 17 years.

Sat Nav

Ah dinnae normally screed oan a Friday nicht, fur fear o' gittin lynched at hame, but nae fewer thin twa o' ma correspondants hiv bin tryin til draw ma attention til a braw new invention fur the Ulster Scot. Ah hiv tae tell them thit ah knew awl aboot it already, but hiv bin keepin' it secert. Garmin, the international Sat Nav manufacturin' company, hiv bin wurkin' wi oorsels fur til develop a Sat Nav model aimed at the Ulster Scot market. The Garmin nuvi 1690 will enable ye tae git safely hame frae oany parade in Ulster.

In order fur til distinguish itsell frae o'er Sat Nav yokes oan the market it his a nummer o' unique features:

• The product is narrated by nain o'er thin Wullie Drennan, star o' Danner wi' Drennan an' heid yin, ah think, o' the Ulster Scots Folk Orchestra. Thus ye kin listen til his wee voice tellin' ye tae "Turn richt in a rake o' yards."
• It his a built in "Traditional Route Finder". Thosuns rerouted frae thar normal road kin by-pass awl polis an' resident's groups an' fine themselves richt back ootside the chapel.
• Spakin' o' which, if ye select the "Big Bang" option, ye kin be alerted til the location o' the o'er sort an stap yer motor fur tae dae extra loud drummin' oan the bonnet.
• At ma request thiv foun' a route frae Londonderry tae Belfast wha' entirely avoids Dungiven. 
• Select the "avoid themuns" option, an' ye kin be taken frae A til B oany gae'in thru areas wi' flegs up. If ye want a route frae Forkhill til Tandragee avoidin' dissident Republican checkpoints, this is the yin fur ye. Rumour his it thit the PSNI hiv bought a lock o' them fur exackly this purpose.
• Which remines me (nat thit ah'm makin this up as ah gae alang) if ye select the PSNI special option it will take ye tae the nearest Chinese avoidin' awl crime hatspats.

A fine addition til the wurld o' gettin Polish lorry drivers lost ah'm sure yil awl agree.

Pole.....

Sammy's hair is officially brock. Surprisinly 5 folk voted fur til giv him five marks fur his hair. Howiver ah checked in the 1690 records an' foun' thit at laist yin vote came frae an IP address registered til a Mr S Wilson.

This weeks vote luks at the controversy aboot which toon shud be Norn Iron's entry intae the UK City o' Culture. It saims a bit rich fur themuns in the Maiden City even fur tae gae fur this title, but ah'm fur hopin' thit the fak thit nain o' them kin write the wurd "London" will main thit thar entry gits lost in the post. Equally Belfast is a bit o' hole, whit wi' the folk wha' live in it mainly atin' Pot Noodle an' the slowness o' the main evenin' newspaper in printin' important articles. Therefower ah am fur naminatin' a few differen' locations worthy o' the title.

Terry Wogan's Blatant Sectarianism

Oany a wee post taenicht fur ah'm oany in the door after a wurk thing. We wur hivin' a team bondin' exercise taeday, mainly involvin runnin' aboot lukkin fur things an' then hivin' a BBQ. Very nice it was tae, if it wasnae fur a lack o' variety in the meat department leadin' til messel hivin' til ate a vegetarian meat substitute pretendin' fur til be a sausage. A pointless exercise which will nae doot play havoc wi the McWilliams disgestive system. Ah hiv hid tae rush hame an' drink beer fur til try til detox.

Terry Wogan

Aulder raiders micht recall a brief campaign we run a lock o' months ago fur tae git the Reverend Dr Big Ian Paisley oantil thocht for the day oan the Radio 2. As we pointed oot at the time Sir Terry Wogan an' his crew hiv awl kines o' folk oan thar programme, gi'en us a few things til think oan ivry mornin'. At nae point his the big mawn bin oan.

I was concerned, therefower, tae fine oot that Sir Wogan is fur retirin' an' still hasnae reached oot til the Ulster Scots community by invitin' oan the big mawn. As the clack is noo windin' doon ah hiv decided til reopen this auld campaign tae see if we kin git it sorted by Christenmas. It micht be hard fur tae run twa high profile campaigns at the yi time, whit wi' the ficht agin' Google an awl, but ah've taken oan some tempry staff fur til dae the spade wurk.

Thus ah hiv agin escreeded til the BBC. Ah cannae gie yis the email address, fur its yin o' them wee boxes thit ye fill in, but ye can add yer support here.

This is whit ah screeded til them........

Dear Sir Wogan

A lock o months ago ah screeded til yis pointin' oot thit yis hiv consistently failed fur tae broaden the cultural an' religious mix o' yer Thinkin aboot the Day bit by invitin' oan the Reverend Dr Big Ian Paisley tae gie ye his thoughts. At the time ye ignored thy'on email, nae doot tae busy chortlin' aboot traffic an the like wi' yer chums, an' noo ah fine thit ye are tae retire frae the wireless.

Ah wid hape thit ye intend fur til redress this wanton sectarianism by gittin' the Big Mawn oantil yer show as soon as passible. He tae his retired, sae wid be able fur tae fit ye in. If he cannae manage it, ah wid suggest thit ye find some o'er figure frae the Ulster Scots community tae dae a bit o' thinkin'. Ah wud volunteer messel, but ah dinnae think oan religion very much. Howiver if ye want someyin tae give thar thoughts oan which crisps make the best sangwich, ah'm yer mawn. (Personally ah think it's Wotsits, fur the texture an flavour is jist richt, but unfortunately thar a bad shape an are furiver rollin' oot o' yer Mother's Pride).

Love
Professor Billy McWilliams,
Heid Yin o' 1690 an' all thon

Ulster Scots Radio

Cannae believe ah missed this. House prices within a 10 mile radius o' Maghera must hiv shat up. Maybes Sir Wogan shud take up wi' them after he retires frae Radio Twa.

Ah will endeavour fur tae post richt tamarra nicht when ah've hid time til drink more.

Tennent's Lager Lovelies

When nat drinkin' messel ah sometimes like til luk back an reminise aboot the guid auld days o' drinkin'. Normally in such circumstances yid expect tae fine some auld boy declarin' how chape drink usetae be. 2d fur a flaggon an' awl thy'on, but the noo ah' spen' maist o' ma time tellin' yung folk thit a can o' Harp frae Stewart's Wine Barrel usetae cost mair than a pint o' milk. Ah mind the days o' "Jaypurs its goantae be £2 a gallon soon!", but noo ye cud run a car oan imported Belgian lager far chaper than diesel.

Frae this premise a discussion developed in the 1690 office the o'er day. It turned oot thit Wee Davy is tae yung til hiv heard oan the Tennent's Lager Lovelies. In them days, ye nat oany gat a can o beer fur yer money, but ye gat some girl in a red sweater pictured oan the back fur til luk at wile ye drunk it. This wus mainly, ah reckon, fur the makers hid wurked oot thit if ye were lyin' aroun' drinkin' cans o' Tennents, the chances are yid hiv nae reel hens tae luk at.

1991

Ah gat messel til researchin the Tennents Lager Lovelies, an' it turns oot thit the last yin tae appear oan the back o' a can wis as racent as 1991! How in the name o' Lord Laird did they drag thy'on intae the 90s. Now Wee Davy wid oany hiv bin aboot 3 in 1991, but he is frae a generation thit drinks Bacardi Breezers, gaes tae "Awl Nicht Dances" an' think they invented coortin'. (Ah wid like til point oot thit by 1991 ah'd lukked at laist 3 gurls an' micht even hiv kissed yin o' them, but ah cannae quite remember, fur it wis the Twelfth, it wis dark unner yon bridge an' it micht hiv bin a Kilty frae a pipe band.)

Wee Davy, Ibiza boy thit he may be, thinks he lives in the glory days o' popular culture, but he disnae realise thit he missed oot oan yin o' the gratest cultural phenomenoms o' the last wheen o' years - drinkin beer frae a can wi' a big haired blonde oan it.

Lovelies.

Sae like ah said ah lukked up the Lager Lovelies an' hiv foun possibly the gratest website known til mawn (after this yin). The Tennent's Lager Lovelies Website (incorporatin' a full Scottish Can Archive) is yin mawns magnum opus til the can. It covers ivry angle o' the lager lovely, frae Anne in the 1960s, thru' til the sad demise o' this yince proud institution in the early 90s. Ah urge yis especially fur ti examine "Penny's Day" - which mainly consists o' Penny drinkin' Tennent's in various states o' undress, but nat revailin' her boakin' oan her shoes ootside Captain Cook's whilst waitin' oan a taxi back til Gilford.

Shack

Thy'on site gaes far intae the histry o' the Lager Lovelies, but ma research went still farther. Ah hiv foun' a shackin' picture which micht open a hole can o' worms fur the yinst cupple o' Norn Iron palitics. Ah'm sayin' nae mair, fur sake o' libel type things. Ah wid jist say shid be ma choice o' can oan oany day o' the week.

Anti-Free State Google Campaign, agin.

Hoke Oot!

As yi'll awl knaw, we here at 1690 are fur campaignin' agin' the Google folk fur they hiv gat an Irish virgin' o' thar Sarchin' thing but nat yin in Ulster Scots. The main plank o' oor campaign is thit we're goantae hiv' oor ain sarchin' machine. We were fur usin' the comments bit, wi some success ah hiv tae say, but this wisnae a lang term solution, but ah hiv spent maist o' taeday lukkin fur a suitable yoke fur tae use insteid. Thus ah kin proudly announce the launch o' Hoke Oot! - the Ulster Scots Sarch Ingine.

Yer link til Hoke Oot! kin be foun in the wee sidebar bit o' this page. Simply put in yer name sae we knaw who wur gettin back til, type yer query intae the wee box whar it says question, an' click oan Luk! Ah luk it up in a buk an' get back tae when ah git roun' til it. Mrs McWilliams an' messel hiv thoroughly tested it, an' its gat awl the ansers richt sae far.

Ah widnae be in tae much o' a rush fur an anser mind ye, fur ah micht nat hiv me computer turned oan, oor be in praper wurk or whitiver. If ye hiv a complicated query ye micht be better aff puttin' it in the comments thing, fur ah hivnae much room tae type in they'on wee box.

Free State Google Campaign Update: Biblical Analogy

The Buik o' Ian
Chapter Yin
Verse Yin

Ah luv a guid Biblical analogy sae.......


An Lo......

The folk o' Blackskull (fernenst Dromore) didst fine oot thit the Googlin' folk were fur translatin' the Inglis intae the heathen tongue fur tae propiogate thar fiddlin' oan fiddles, Lord o' the Dance, "sure isn't it a bit o' craic?" culture. But at the same time, the Googlin' folk were fur ignorin' the Lambeg bangin', true originators o' the wurd "crack", langauge o' the inventors o' maist things, especially rope, an' tyres.

The folk didst wail, an' say "Laird! Fine us a mawn thit will save us frae a Free State Google perpetuatin' the myth o' Gaelic culture in these Lawnds. "Dinnae wurry," saith the Laird, "fur Billy McWilliams an' his tame are busy, as we spake, formulatin complicated arguments which wud bring doon even the biggest sarch ingine."

The champion o' the folk didst e-screed doon tae the Free State Google Folk an' lo they didst reply (in Inglis ah noted, nat the Free State tongue.)

But Billy (messel) didst nat except thy'on as a ligitimate excuse. "Wise up!" wis the jist o' ma carefully constructed argument. "Oor yer facin' a rebellion".

An thus Billy wis cast intae the wildnerness (an area ootside Portadoon) fur tae try tae think on ways o' bringin doon Free Stae Google.


(End o' Bibleness)

Revenge agin Google.

Ah thunk long an hard aboot how best thit a small, Google hosted, Ulster Scots blog cud passibly campaign agin' the lack o' parity o' esteem revailed by a multi-national conglomerate.

Ah cud.....

• Supeglue maself til the Google hamepage like thy'on climatic changers.
• Move the blog til somewhar else, except ah widnae knaw how til dae thy'on an' wud prabably lose it in the internet.
• Firebum them, but thy'on saims a bit 1970s.

New Sarchin' Ingine.......

Nain o' these wud wurk, sae ah hiv decided fur til start up me oan sarch engine whereby yousuns e-screed queries til me an' ah luk them up in buiks afore gittin back tae ye a lock o' days later. If yis hiv a query aboot anythin' (o'er than durtiness) let me knaw, fur ah hiv sevral buiks an' ah will fine ye the anser. Simply putt yer question in the comments thing unner here, an' ah'll git back tae ye when ah git roun' til it. Alcohol permittin'.

Pole.

Ah've changed the pole fur yin o' oor raiders his pointed oot thit ah've missed the big news story o' the week.
Cheese or Cat will hiv tae wait.