Thursday, 29 January 2009

Bit Fower - The Yinst Folk.

Fair fa' ye til the latest instawlment o' 1690. Afore we git ontae the histry ma' thankins agin til awl wha voted in the last pole. Ironikly efter ma rant aboot non-participatin', the votin' system came doon roond oor ears last Thursday hence. Ah had tae reset it, so it's runnin late an' will go ontil tamarra. As we write; votin' hais shat up by an astonishin' five, but it's still a tite fite, so git in noo an' choose yer favourite march.

Fur this week's pole we continue oor theme o' demacracy. Ulster-Scots hiv threw up a fair few political hevywaits oer the years - Ian Paisley, Ian Paisley Jr, Francois Mitterand, tae name but thrie. That got me thinkin' as tae which o' oor present day hevywaits yid want beside ye oan a rough night in Markethill? Yer vote wud go sum way intae solvin' that conundrum.

Howiver - laivin' that aside - at lang last we can put an end 'til the carpin' aboot the lack o' folk in the Histry blog fur naw they appear in..................

Bit Fower - The Yinst Folk

The origins o' the yinst folk is a matter o' sum debate in certain circles. A racent dockumentary on the RTE proposed that the folk o' Ireland are descendeded frae yins frae Spain. Accordin' tae this show, tests hiv shewed that folk here share their DNA wi' the Spanish, an' they surmised that 10,000 years hence oor ancestors, the Celts, hopped ontae boats an' sailed direct til Cork, from thence makin' thair way til Ulster.

Normally at this time ah'd luk fur the thoughts o' Wullie McIveen, o' the Dept o' Auld Larnin' at the University o' Mid-Antrim, but he explained that as Professor of Wile Auld Things he wudn't want til spekulate on stuff beyon' his spere o' knowledge. He put me ontil his son, Wullie John McIlveen, Senior Lekturer in Very, but not Wile, Auld things at King's College, Ballylumford. W.J. highlighted a few problems in the RTE theory.


Wullie has come tae the conklusion that the RTE's programme had failed tae acknowledge the work o' Dr Stephen Oppenheimer at Oxford University, near England. In his seminal work, "The Origins of the British", Dr Oppenheimer revealed that maist folk in the British Isles share the same DNA, an' that thus the folk o' the Free State arnae anymair Celt than folk in Kent.* Ah hiv tae agree wi' Wullie on this Spanish DNA theory, fur the weemen roun' these parts arnae so much sexy senioritas as sixty Senior Service.

Wullie says it is mair likely that the yinst folk til git til Ulster arrived durin' the Mesolithic Period, sometime between 7050 and 7049 BC, makin' thair way over frae Scotland in wee boats an' lanin' along the Nairth Coast. He goes oan til point oot that the fact that the auldest hoose in Ireland was foun' at Mountsannel in Caulraine further dents the RTE theory. That wid be a wile odd place fur til bild a hoose if yid just landed aff a boat in Cork. Furthermair Wullie has DNA tested the folk o' Bushmills an' foun that they are mair closely related til stain age folk, an each other, than anyyin else in Ireland.
There ye haiv it, wi'v put til bed the RTE prapaganda and provided fairther proof o' oor Ulster Scots Heritage. Nixt time wi'll hiv a wee luk at life fur the Ulster Scot in the Stain Age.

*Pauline Clarkson, Bass Drum Spare Skin Bearer o' Carrickfergus True Blues, has accused this blog o' a lack o' research. Ah hope this puts her rite.


Anonymous said...

Ya know, accipt fur the motorbike dsnie oor wee Sammy luk jus like a cretur o the Stain Age?

Anonymous said...

Aye hes jus like yin o' them dinosaurs!!!

Anonymous said...

A dinosaur that disnae pay loanin taks!

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ah amnae goantae comment oan Sammy's Stains. Yis need tae mind that this is the Minster o' the Enviroment yer fashin' aboot. Its up tae him wither he pays oot the loanin' taks, wid you if ye were in his joab? If Sammy wants til burn tyres in his back yard Sammy can, an' I for yin suspect he dis.

Anonymous said...

Burnin' tyres is yin thing, ah jus hope he disnae praktis any o' that oul nudey stuff anymuir.

Anonymous said...

Richt naw, the lat a yis, Thon's jus inuf aboot oor wee Sammy!! Yus haffa stap that aul sleggin aff them quar brae Ulster Scats good luks o'his.

Anonymous said...

*academic cough*

Good Evening Sir.

I have been studying this blog entry and have two major concerns:

1. I understand that RTE is not accessible outside Our Glorious Republic, except in the Dubious Border Areas, and even then it is fuzzy. How did you come to view this Documentary of Which You Speak?

2. You claim that the mesolithic peoples of Ireland originated in Scotland and came across in wee boats. HOWEVER I have it on good authority that Ireland's smallest mammal, the pygmy shrew, prevalent throughout the country, originated in Andorra, arriving as an accidental passenger on the glorious romantic boats of Iberia. With People In. These exotic, flashing-eyed, dark-haired peoples (with fascinating eyebrows) are in fact the true ancestors of the Island of Ireland

3. I suspect you dabble yourself in the field of Ancient History and Seandáááálaíocht. I have my suspicions.

Yours Sincerely,

Professor TimTim MacPatCoogan.

Anonymous said...





Professor Billy McWilliams said...

A bit o' a rush o' comments thair. Ah'll dae ma best til anser awl yer queries.
Uel Logue and Fyoomin Mad had a cupple o' things til say on Sammy. Thair both richt, we shud awl hope that Sammy has put his nuddyness behine him, especially if hes burnin tyres. Equally we shud show him the respect his behaviour an' intelligence deserve.

Tim Tim raises the hoary auld question aboot the Pygmy Shrew. He shud knaw that we dealt wi' thy'on baste in Bit Thrie. However I shall talk tae Wullie McIlveen o'er the weekend and try tae hiv a fuller anser by Mundae.

Ah'm gettin' wurried aboot anonymouse an thair capslock typin'.

Anonymous said...

Jaysus I'm dying for a pack of Tayto and a tin of Cola....

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Tayto in a yella bag ah' hope, nane o' thy'on Free State Blue yins.

Anonymous said...

In Answer tae yina thon points made by Prof. McCoogan aboot calinists from Andorra. I hope they were good pradisan Mesolithic hunter gathers.

Anonymous said...

Dear Fyoomin Mad.

Of course they were not! Our Glorious Iberian Ancestors were Good Pagans. Because God hadn't been invented yet.


Professor TimTim "José" MacPatCoogan.