Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Poles an' Rings.

Sammy's Circle of Stains.

Ah' was cocht oan the hoof by the brakin' news o' the discovery of a new Stain Circle fernenst Annaclone the oer nicht, an' oany hid time til give yis a brief summry. Sin thy'on ah've hid further wurds wi' the Archaeologits an' thiv taul me that thar aimin' fur a big press lunch soon. They are unsure o' when tae unveil Sammy's Ring, an' point oot that it hasnae bin seen fur years. The feelin' amongst the archaeologits is that it wid be best tae wait til' see if Sammy will cum doon tae Annaclone an officially open his Ring tae the public, in the hope o' gainin' maximum publicity.*

Pole Yin
Last week we accidently had twa poles. Due to a bit o' a hangin' chad situation, the "Best March" pole had tae run oer fur a wee wile. A bit like an election in Fermana' Saith Tyrone; the polin' station stayed open fur a wheen o' hoors. In the heels o' the hunt the 'best march' tag went til Drumcree. Ah wis surprised at this mesel, fur I was thinkin' that Drumcree hid last a wee bit o' its lustre in racent years, now the crack's gone. Thinkin' on it later, ah realised that it probably holds fond memries for many o' yis oot thair. Guid days o' blackin' roads wi' a tractor an' then phonin' yer wurk an' tellin them ye cudnae get in. Awl said an' dun, ah wis glad tae see that the specter o' Danny Morrison hingin' oer yis with yin armalite goat yis oot tae vote.

Pole Twa.

This yin esked yis til consider which yin o' oor political hevywaits wud win in a ficht. It wis a close run thing, cummin' doon tae the last cupple o' votes, but Nigel an' Diane's Nepotisitc Tag Team squeezed in ahead o' the rest. The DUP hiv an' uncanny nack o' producin' equally politicly adept famly members, nae doot a result o' thair strang Ulster Scots gene pool, but the seamless way Diane barged past oer contenders tae stan' oan the threshold of Europe is a testament til her carisma an' political acumen. Naebudy can question her experience fur the post o' MEP, fur she spent her time as an MLA daein' as much as the rest o' them.

Oor funders in the Free State tell us that it is wile important that we shew purity o' esteam, so this weeks vote asks ye til consider which Shinner wid win in a ficht. When votin' mind that they've decomisoned.?.

Nixt time (tamarra nicht if Mrs McWilliams will let me intae the wine seller) - "Bit Five: Life in the Middle Stain Times."

*Niver yin til milk a joke.


Anonymous said...

How big wuid ye say Sammy's Ring is, or hae they excavated its deeps tae their furrthest extent?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

It's a fair size o' a ring, but the Archaeologits are still pokin' aboot roond it so they cannae be sure. Apparently thair wis a fair bit o' detritus tae be removed. When Sammy opens it up, wi'll get the full picture.