Thursday, 3 September 2009

Free State Google Campaign Update: Biblical Analogy

The Buik o' Ian
Chapter Yin
Verse Yin

Ah luv a guid Biblical analogy sae.......

An Lo......

The folk o' Blackskull (fernenst Dromore) didst fine oot thit the Googlin' folk were fur translatin' the Inglis intae the heathen tongue fur tae propiogate thar fiddlin' oan fiddles, Lord o' the Dance, "sure isn't it a bit o' craic?" culture. But at the same time, the Googlin' folk were fur ignorin' the Lambeg bangin', true originators o' the wurd "crack", langauge o' the inventors o' maist things, especially rope, an' tyres.

The folk didst wail, an' say "Laird! Fine us a mawn thit will save us frae a Free State Google perpetuatin' the myth o' Gaelic culture in these Lawnds. "Dinnae wurry," saith the Laird, "fur Billy McWilliams an' his tame are busy, as we spake, formulatin complicated arguments which wud bring doon even the biggest sarch ingine."

The champion o' the folk didst e-screed doon tae the Free State Google Folk an' lo they didst reply (in Inglis ah noted, nat the Free State tongue.)

But Billy (messel) didst nat except thy'on as a ligitimate excuse. "Wise up!" wis the jist o' ma carefully constructed argument. "Oor yer facin' a rebellion".

An thus Billy wis cast intae the wildnerness (an area ootside Portadoon) fur tae try tae think on ways o' bringin doon Free Stae Google.

(End o' Bibleness)

Revenge agin Google.

Ah thunk long an hard aboot how best thit a small, Google hosted, Ulster Scots blog cud passibly campaign agin' the lack o' parity o' esteem revailed by a multi-national conglomerate.

Ah cud.....
  • Supeglue maself til the Google hamepage like thy'on climatic changers.
  • Move the blog til somewhar else, except ah widnae knaw how til dae thy'on an' wud prabably lose it in the internet.
  • Firebum them, but thy'on saims a bit 1970s.
New Sarchin' Ingine.......

Nain o' these wud wurk, sae ah hiv decided fur til start up me oan sarch engine whereby yousuns e-screed queries til me an' ah luk them up in buiks afore gittin back tae ye a lock o' days later. If yis hiv a query aboot anythin' (o'er than durtiness) let me knaw, fur ah hiv sevral buiks an' ah will fine ye the anser. Simply putt yer question in the comments thing unner here, an' ah'll git back tae ye when ah git roun' til it. Alcohol permittin'.


Ah've changed the pole fur yin o' oor raiders his pointed oot thit ah've missed the big news story o' the week.
Cheese or Cat will hiv tae wait.


Manuel said...

tremendous work....keep up the fight....I'll get on til Willie Fraser....actually not even google deserve that...but best of luck n that...

Archibald McArchiblad said...

Ah wid like til knw which yin o' the Spice Gurls hid the fattest arse. Cud ye luk thy'on up fur me?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ah cannae persent ye wi' dockumentry evidence, Archibald, fur ma buiks dinnae cuver girl bands o' the 90s, sae ah asked the wife insteid. She reckons thit Ginger hid the fattest arse durin' the glory days o' the Spice Girls, but thit Baby hid a luk aboot her thit wud indicate a fatter arse later oan. Thus, by this scientific method, me an Mrs McWilliams reckon the anser is.... Lang Syne - Ginger, Taeday - Baby.

Ah hope this helps.

Felicity said...

I Googled 'Billy McWilliams' to get to this page!! The website is looking fantastic!! I have not been on in a long time. Wondering if Queen's will be offering Ulster Scots anytime soon....

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ye used Google Felicity?? Ah hope fur the last time. Awl other searches shud be directed through messel.

Linda Harley said...

Dear Billy,

Ah'm wonderin' whit tae do wi' a lump o' goats cheese whit I foun' lurkin' in the back o' the frige. Cud ye gi' me sum idears fur the dinnur?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Mrs McWilliams dus awl the cukkin' roond here, an she's awa' oot gittin' wee Billy's haircut. Ah usally jist haiv cheese in a sangwich, maybes wi' a few crisps threw in fur texture, but ah widnae be sae sure thit goat's cheese an' tayto wid mix tae well.

Ah lukked in yin o' herrsel's cukbuks an' hiv come up wi this...

1 log o' goats' cheese
walnut bread
freshly boiled baby beetroot
walnut oil fur tae drizzle
freshly ground black pepper

1. Cut goats' cheese intae 1cm/0.5in thick slices, an' grill til it melts.
2. Slice the walnut bread an' put slices o' newly boiled beetroot oan tap, then add the grilled goats' cheese.
3. Drizzle wi' walnut oil an' sprinkle freshly ground black pepper oan tap.
4. Serve as a starter wi' salad. Or a sausage roll.

Gie thy'on a try Linda, if ye scoot doon tae the Mace noo ye micht git Walnut bread. If nat, jist use veda. Ah'm jist concerned thit they described a "log" o' goats cheese, disnae soun' tae apettisin'.

Anonymous said...

For this search query, imagine yourself as Jeremy Clarkson of "Top Yoke". What 4x4 manufacturer would you recommend: Toyota, Nissan, Mitsubishi, Hyundai, Honda, Land Rover or Jeep?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Landrover, obviously, fur its the best yoke fur riot control an' fur liftin' boys intil. If yiv gat the richt model, ye kin even fire palastic bullets oot the side. This is true, fur ah lukked it up.

If yer lukkin' fur tae buy yin, make sure it's armour plated, but ah hiv tae advise thit due tae the heft o' thum, thar wile hard oan the diesel.

Ah love bein' the new Google....NEXT?

Anonymous said...

How old is he universe? Rev. Usher says a few thousand years, Stephen Hawking says billions. The former was an Anglican (remember the paper wall twixt him and Rome) whereas the latter may have software problems. What is the right answer Prof?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ah've lukked intae it, an' hiv cum tae the conclusion thit although we cannae be tae sure due tae the vagaries o' Science, the universe's age is, geologicly spakin' mind, sumwair betwain a lock an' a rake o' years auld.

Ah think. It micht possibly be a clatter.