Thursday, 29 April 2010

Poling Update, fur ah'm wurking oan a new video an' hivnae time for anythin' else.

Oor Pole his surpassed the 200 mark, thus requirin' analysis frae the Larne School of Economics Statistatistatics department. Dr Kincaid, heid yin o' the  hard sums department, his bin explainin' til me cannae jist luk at the nummers an' guess how many MPs there will be elected fur each party, it appears fur til be a wile lock mair complicated than thy'on.

a. We must furst subtract the cannae be arsed folk - fur they cannae be arsed.

b. Secondly the Greens are oany stannin' in fower places, fur that is the nummer o' half normal lukkin' folk thit are in their party. If they stud anywhere else they wud hiv some boy dressed in a coalsack an' bicycle clips it wud saim. This complicates things a wee bit.

c. Likewise the TUV arnae stannin' everywhere. Dr Kincaid says that unlike the Greens they dress richt an' well, but only about 8 of them can raid.

d. Ah stuck the PUPs in even though they arenae stannin' fur ah furgat. Dr Kincaid says thit we kin split their votes betwain the o'er Unionists.

e. Oor vote does nat allow fur changin' o' mines. This is nae buther fur naebudy ever does in these parts, although the TUV factor weighs heavily oan this point ah feel. Alsae ah fur yin hiv changed ma vote fur the yinst time in 22 years, fur it wud saim thit the folk ah voted fur are arseholes efter all.

f. All the yins ah furgat - mainly Lovely Sylvia an' yer man in Fermanagh. Here we will apply Kincaid's second law of sums - batter on as if we hidnae noticed.

g. Shinners rig poles.

Takin' these factors intil account - oor 18 MPS will luk as fallies.

Shinners - 5
TUV - 3
Greens - 2
SLDP - 2
DUP - 2
Alliance - yin
O'ers - yin

Gi'en us a grand total o' 13 MPs in Wesminister.


Dirk vander Bilt said...

Are you willing to stake your reputation as a pollster on these numbers, professor?

Anonymous said...

Looks like David Ford intends to bring a more robust attitude to policing and justice here. That's good to know.

Anonymous said...

As a matter of interest, why are your posts in broken English?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Anonymous Twa - ma posts arnae in broken English ma posts are in the Ancient Langwidge o' Ulster Scots.
Ah wud suggest you luk at this postin' here.

Kilsally said...

DUP - 6
Shinners - 5
SLDP - 2
O'ers - 2 (Hermon & Connor)
TUV - 0
Alliance - 0
Greens - 0

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Yer mair than likely richt kilsally, but ah oany hiv ma pole tae go frae.
Whar dae ye think the Cunfs will git three frae?

Dirk, ah wudnae be stakin' oanythin' oan it.