Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Arse imitates Life.

Oor aulder raiders may recall thit back in Febuary ah hid occasion fur til visit the Ulster Museum alang with a variety o' Tyrone folk. Yis may mind thit we lost the boy wha' locks the toilets in the village, near causin' a crisis o' smallish praportions. Oan ma return ah tuk issue wi' the aforementioned Museum over a dearth o' Ulster Scots related things, an' a severe lack o' balance in the Creationism/Evolution debate. Imagine my shack fur til learn taeday thit nain o'er than the Heid Yin of Culture, Arse an' Leisure, Nelson McCausland, his taken up ma cause. Ah writ til the Museum but they niver replied. Slap it up yis now ah say, fur if yid hiv listened then this situation cud hiv bin avoided.

The big auld brains up in thy'on Museum wud dae well fur til mind thit they are the ULSTER Museum, nat some prapaganda machine fur the Free State. As such they shud reflect the interests o' the folk whit live here, even the ones thit are clean mental.

Addendum til this.

Ah'm nat tae sure whit an addendum is, but in this case it is mair o' an after thocht. Laughin' as ah wis at the carry oan o' Nelson the day, later oan ah got til thinkin'. This is whit folk oot there make o' us folk in here. We hiv elected a complait an' utter arse. Nat fur him the Scottish Enlightenment, a concept which crossed til oorselves an' made Belfast the hame o' Irish Radicalism. Nae 1798 rebellion fur Nelson. (Mair of which in Bit 38 - How we Accidentally became Fenians fur a bit)
Instied we git mixed up American shite aboot floods an' the like, which the Inglis can bait us o'er the heid wi'. Ah note the Guardian says - "The belief that the Earth was divinely created in 4004 BC originates with the writings of another Ulster-based Protestant, Archbishop of Armagh James Ussher, in 1654." Aye, fair enough - except he wud be whit ye micht call an Anglo-Irish boy, nat an Ulster Scot, a Dubliner tae boot, a man o' the Inglis establishment. The implication in the Guardian's wee article is thit he wus frae Annaclone oor the like. Ah am cross aboot this, an' McCausland better watch his hairy arse.

Wurld Cup.

A questioner in the Hoke Oot thing asks who we shud be for supportin' in the Wurld Cup. Ah hiv giv this matter some thocht, an feel thit it is a question wurthy o' a considered anser. Gi'en the lack o' oorselves in it, ye micht think thit the natural thing til dae wud be til support oor nearest neighbours. Howiver in this case it is Inglan', yin o' the natural predators o' the Ulster Scot. The "nearest neighbour" theory micht alsae require us til support the Free State in future tournaments, so it is best knacked oan the heid at this stage. All of the other countries taken part, so far as ah can wurk oot, are foreign, a worryin' wurd til any richt thinkin' mawn. Ah hiv therefore decided the best thing til dae is til pick a country which his the most Ulster Scots in it, namely the America. Like oorselves they hiv a wile lat o' religious heid the balls, like a ficht an' spake a language vaguely similar til Inglish.


Hivin' failed in ma plan til git UK City o' Culture status fur Ballyhalbert, ah am delighted til give ma support til Cullion in their campaign oan the facebuk. Cullion is a braw wee spat, fernenst Donemana an' Newbuildins, ah urge any o' yis wha hiv the facebuk til back their bid.


Anonymous said...

Billy, re. your World Cup supporting. Surely Denmark and Holland also deserve your support, for obvious theological reasons. Plus the Holland team wears a lot of Orange.

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

There is a logic til Holland. But in the heels o' the hunt they spake foreign an' lack Ulster Scots.

Daveboy said...

Dear Professor Billy,

If ye lukk long an hard at the phrase "Ulster Scots Fitba Team", ye may, depennin on volume o beers taken, notice thit it is an anagram o' "Flutist meets acrobats". Sae obviously awm fur supportin' Brazil.

Cud ye sue the McCausland boy fur rippin' aff yer intaylaycstual praperty?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ah cud Davey, if ah cud spell it.

Comber Historical Society said...

We're jaist efter daein a sweepstake in work. I pit in mae three quid, stuck mae haun in tha beg - and pulled oot....


C'mon - let's get ahint tha wee Kiwis..... Gin the' win, A staun tae mak aboot foor million quid.

Anonymous said...

aye, its the Dutch boyos fur me, fur their embodiment o' the Ulster Scots charactur- brave an' crabbit, fit tae start a ficht in an empy hoose

Themmuns hae a wil' lat o' talent, but they cannae thole each other an' afore the tournyment's half way o'er they'll be clashing each uther.

plus they make a wile gud carryoot o' lager called Oranjeboom fur the discerning palate....