Wednesday, 15 September 2010

The Pope, fur it is he.

The Sash the Father wore.
Havin' semi retired frae palitical commentatin', due mainly til extreme laziness, Ah was not fur remark passin' oan the arrival o' the Pope til Britain. Howiver noo thit the Reverend Doctor Lord the Big Ian Paisley has waded in, an' the loomin' threat o' a storm o' protests, Ah feel thit it is important thit Ah use ma influence in Ulster Scots circles til calm the situation. Many cross wurds have been bandied, an' a feel a measure of calm debate is required til address the situation. Ah hiv thus give some thocht as til whether we shud be arsed protestin' or nat

Reasons fur til Protest - 

Yin: he is the o'er surt an he is nat in the bible, but says he is, Ah think. Ah will check that an' get back til ye.

Twa: The present yin is a German, Germans are intrinsically bad.

Thrie: He wears a small hat that makes him luk daft. Or a big yin that luks like a wully. An he makes folk kiss his ring. This is nat normal behaviour fur a church laider.

Fower: he willnae let the o'er surt use contrapception - laidin in turn til mair o' the o'er surt. If this continues most folk will be the o'er surt, thus becomin' the surt. At this point Ah will be very confused as Ah will be the o'er surt. Ah will hiv til mistrust  messel an' nat be tae friendly.

Five: Somethin about child abuse and the gays.

Reasons nat fur til Protest.

Yin: The Pope sent the Inglis intil Ireland in the first place, therefore makin' him historically a Loyalist.

Twa: The Pope was on the side o' King Billy at the Boyne. Again, hardly the stuff o' Ulster Scots protests.

Thrie: The Pope changed the calendar, movin' the Twelfth frum the First til the Twelfth. If he hadnae done this we wud hiv nae Twelfth. Thus he invented the Twelfth, an' the attendant marches. We cudnae march oan the First fur we wud all be at wurk.

Fower: Although this Pope is a German, the yin before was Polish. They were on oor side in the War and therefore are grand. Sae long as the o'er surt dinnae make Spanish, Italians, Germans etc Pope in future, we can let them aff.

Five: His views on the Gays are much the same as the Free P's, who in turn arenae exactly unknown fur batterin' the shite oot o' Wains themsels.

Sax: Chateau Neuf du Pape.

Hivin' thus weighed up the arguments, Ah wud advise ma raidership nat til buther their arses wi' this. Let the auld boy visit, an' insteid write til the Vatican askin' if it wud be OK til reroute Drumcree through the Vatican next year.


A storm is brewing, Ah can say nae mair at this point in time.


Manuel said...

he's gonna be popular in glasgow eh....crikey

Daveboy said...

Dear Professor Billy,

Thanks fur yer piece; this argument is like a lambeg on the gut o' a 18 stone hungover orangeman frae Bushmills - finely balanced.

An oer point in the silly-hatted one's favour is his ownership o' a balcony. This provides us a welcome alternative til mentionin' bears' toiletin' preferenc es in polite company. Which is wile thoughtful.