Friday, 15 April 2011

Free the Weatherfield Wan

"Freeee, eee, Nelson Mandela," was, Ah think, the chorus o' an advert fur Special K back in the 1980s, a gift affer unsurpassed by any o'er breakfast cereal in racent times. Now Ah ate a wile lat o' Special K in the hope o' findin' one in the bax, an' neither gat an iconic South African laider nor indeed the figure o' a curvy hen in a red dress, furiver makin' be doubtful o' the claims o' advertisments, but Ah digress.

Mair importantly yet again a great icon o' the madurn era fines himself incarcerated, lanquishin' behine bars unner an' oppressive regime. Aye, Ah am sad til say thit Big Jim McDonald frae Coronation Street his bin lifted.

"Fur why," yis may ask, "Shud we concern oorselves wi' a character oan the wireless television when there is an election on?" an' Ah concede in maist cases ye might hiv a point. Big Jim, howiver, transcends mere soap stardom, he is a cultural beacon fur all things Ulster. Some, mainly messel admittedly, view him as a latter day metaphor fur the position o' the Ulster Scot in these troubled times. Moody; incoherent; usually half cut; occasionally violent, he is ne'ertheless blindingly loyal til an English harlot whit wud sell him doon the river at the first appurtunity. As such he demands oor respect an attention, so he does, an' oor support in his oor o' naid.

Aware as Ah am o' ma ain cultural significance an' influence, Ah wud like til use this fourum fur til urge ma high level raiders frae the palitical an' media classes til fine the time til take up Big Jims cause. Til youse Unionists oot there, Ah wud remine ye thit Big Jim served in her Majesty's Armed Forces wi' distinction, an indaid Ah vaguely remember an' exchange wi' Betty Turpin where he said he'd like til be hame fur the parades. Ma Nationalist fallyers shud nat be dissuaded by this, fur Jim is o' coorse an Irishman helt unner the evils o' the British penile system. As such he deserves the support o' folk frae all sections o' oor community, a great man is suffering an' we must come to his aid, his only crime is rubbery.

Conveniently a Facebuk Group has been created til this very end by some boy or o'er, an' Ah urge yis all til join it, so Ah do.

The Election.

Ah'm aware thit ma coverage his fallen by the wayside  this last week or so, this wus doon til technical difficulties raither than pure bone idleness. Basically Ah cowped a beer o'er ma laptap an' haff the keys wudnae wurk. Ah considered postin' usin' oany twa vowels but it appeared til make even less sense than usual. Fortunately ma crisis management skills kicked in, after a week, an' Ah hid the brainwave o' buyin' a keyboord rather than an entirely new computational device. Thus Ah intend fur til have a wee gander at the Shinner broadcast later oan, if Ah can stay sober an' awake lang enough.


Joanne Casey said...

Jim will be a free maan if i hiv inny say in it!

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Or die a martyr. Free mawn is preferable, frae Jim's point o' view Ah wus hiv thunk, but either way the cause will be advanced.

Joanne Casey said...

Ye can say that agin so ye can!