Saturday, 9 July 2011

Gigantic Statue thing competition.

Ah was perusin' the news frae Scotland the o'er day an' come across a wee article describin' how they are fur gettin a gigantic statue type thing in Gretna til welcome folk o'er the border. Now in the England they hiv thon Angel o' the Nairth, an' they are chattin' aboot gettin a giant horse somewhere doon in the south. Maintimes we hiv feck all, an' Ah reckon this shud be rectified. Thus Ah hiv put ma heid taegither an' come up we some quintissentially Ulster Things which cud be stuck at papular arrival spats aroun' Norn Iron. Ah hivnae decided which yin Ah shud putt in fur a grant fur, an hape that yousuns will vote in the pole fur til help me wurk it oot.

Sculpture Yin:
Larne - The Buckfast o' The Nairth. 
Folk arrivin' will be greeted wi' a giant battle o' oor national drink wi' the added attraction o' stairs up inside it so ye can throw empty yins aff the tap at various bastards below.

Sculpture Twa:
Belfast - Big Bleakley

A statue o' oor finest export, atap the City Hall. Tourists will alsae be able til luk up her skirt frae unnerneath. At laist thy'on is whit Ah wud dae.

Sculpture Three:
Newry - Virgin Veda.

If yer on yer way in frae the Free State, perhaps havin' gat lost an ended up there accidentally there wud be nathin' better til greet ye than an unsullied giant loaf o' oor national bread.

Sculpture Four:
Belfast alternate - Shite Ship

Belfast folk are uncannily proud o' havin' built a big shite ship, so we shud mark this by stickin' it in the middle o' the Lough in a manner which best marks whit it is famous fur. 

Sculpture Five:
DerryLondonDerryLondon - Bright Lights, Shite City.

A tribute til oor second city's favourite pastime, wi' the added benefit o' gettin' rid o' thy'on "Hands across the Divide" brock which a child cud hiv come up wi'. The flaming tap will alsae be handy fur finin' yer way back til the Waterside shud ye get stuck amung the o'er surt after dark. 

Anyhow thon is yer lat, get votin' an' Ah'll start til fill in the farms fur DCAL.


Mark said...

A yin frae aist Belfawst ower tha grand age of 90 or sae will tell ya thaim sunk tha morrietayneeeuh.

Cynic said...

Ah thank ya have missed a grate oppurtunity here. The wan local celebrity who ya have missed out is our beloved foirst laidy , the Blessed Iris.

The ideal place fur this might be tae have a giant rotatin heid of Iris illuminated fra the inside and placed on the roof o' Castlereagh Council Offices.

Wi a bit o' careful plannin it might be passible to hae sort of laser lights shining out of her eyes tae illuminate the light of truth o'er the pratestant peeple o' Eist Belfast and scare the bejasus out of any passing homsexualists and doggers who might be thinkin o' going to Shaw's Bridge or the Lagan Towpath fur illicit congress.

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ye hiv a point Cynic, but Ah fail thit it is best til leave Iris be fur a bit. Ah considered a bust o' lovely Lesley up at the Giant Causeway. Well til be fair Ah just considered hivin' a luk at her bust.
The pole was bust, saims til be wurkin noo.