Wednesday, 22 February 2012

My Hole (In One).

Fallyin oan frae the excitin' news that the Giant Causeway is til git its ain Galf Coorse, Ah am delighted fur til announce that Enviroment Minister Alex Attwud has alsae gie the grain light til a new hotel on the nairth coast. At lang last thon auld eyesore Dunluce Castle is til be redeveloped an' modernised, makin' way fur an attractive 4 star development wi' its ain bubble bath, shars, beds, the lat.

In a move til appease campaigners thit hoped til keep the auld Castle, the new owners hiv assured us all thit they will dae their best til retain a "heritage theme" in the new hotel, wi pictures o' how it used to look before an' the like, as well as a bar called "The Dungeon". Spakin' afterwards, Minister Attwud commented thit he hadnae taken the decision til tear the shite oot o' the historic landscape "lightly", but that in the end "money talks and youse can all fuck off."


Ah fur yin am gettin' sick o' galf. OK so Wee Mac an' G Mac an' Big Darren hiv "putt us oan the map" in the last wee while, an' it is great til see, particularly as the latter gies hope til all slightly pudgy drinkers o' a certain age that ye can still hae yer day in the sun. Howiver til the best o' ma knowledge we were already oan the map, an yin o' the things that has put us on it was the "unspoilt beauty" o' the nairth coast?  Yet here we hiv an Environment minister who lets this shite happen an' says......

"The development is an important one for the Causeway Coast and for Northern Ireland, will help to grow tourism, create new job opportunities, enhance our golf product and continue to protect our natural heritage, such a big part of the quality of our lives." 

Now Ah agree wi' yis thit its a shame thit he cannae spake the hamely tongue but perhaps mair importantly he cannae tell his arse frae his elbow. How many new jabs are created by a galf coorse is whit Ah'd like til ken? How does he balance thon agin the environmental destruction wrecked by the creation o' whit at the end o' the day is jist a place fur middle class men til chase a wee ball aboot? Mair til the point, is it even naided? The "galf product" o' the nairth coast saims near as well enhanced as Katie Price. Even the man in charge o' the whole plan, "US-based management expert Dr Alistair Hanna". says.....

"We believe that with Bushmills Dunes, Portrush, Portstewart and Castlerock we will have four world-class links golf courses within half an hour of each other."

Nae need fur it then.Ye buck eejit.


Next week: New Snooker Hall for Cave Hill, Mount Stewart til be converted into a darts venue and Lough Neagh drained til make room fur a new Asda.

Fur mair sensible information oan Nairth coast plannin' issues visit North Antrim Local Interest List.


Anonymous said...

Galf - a guid walk wasted; Bushmill Dunes - a guid WHS wasted?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Indaid Anonymouse.
Ah dinnae normally git woun' up aboot shite like this, but it just saims til lack whit cud loosely be termed
"lang turm vishun".

Anonymous said...

wull it be open oan the Sabbath? Thon wull be a brave big contro- versie fur the area's popular MP. it isnae a game fur Ulster Scots anyway- oor sports require the inflictin' o' pain on yer opponent-like futball, or petrol bombin'

Am Ghobsmacht said...

Why not just go the whole hog and grind the giant's causeway up to use as hard-fill for the foundations of the hotel?

We could then powder-up the limestone around Whitepark bay to gie the hotel a lick of paint...