Friday, 22 May 2009

Poles an Arses

Eurovision Arse Contest (Agin)

The mair observent o' yis will hiv noticed that ah hiv deleted oor post backing Genial Jim Allister in the next election. Yin o' oor Europe Funders taeday pointed oot that oor fundin' cud be at risk if we continue til interfere in palitics, partikularly o' the Euro kind. That an the fak that ma braither pointed oot that Jim is a barrister an' micht sue the arse clean aff us if we mak stuff up. Nat that it was made up, if ye ken? Apologies tae awl, we shall hencefowerth be purely histerical an' kultural.


Which brings me til this weeks pole.
In the end yis voted fur clatter o'er rake, but yis were wrang, although ah hiv til admit that there his bin sum debate in the 1690 boordroom o'er this. Basically the Ulster Scots sistem o' measurements is loosely based oan the auld Imperial system, nain o' the European metric brock (that is nat a palitical comment, fundin' man.)

It can be summed up as fallies
Yin Wheen = Twa and 3/4 bits.
Yin lock = Fower Wheens - yin bit.
Yin Clatter = Thrie and a haf locks + a wheen
Yin Rake = a wile lock o' clatters.

Thus a rake is the biggest measure.
Interestinly if ye add up the sum o' 4 wheens, 2 locks, a clatter and haf a rake an' divid the anser by a lock ye get 3.14. A useful nummer in big sums, potentially provin' that Ulster Scots invented pie.

Ah near furgat aboot a new pole - this yin luks at speed.


Robert McAdam said...

Hey mcwilliams ye big jobie ye, ah dinnae ken how ye can cál yersel a nakademikal when ye cannae ús them ther lang vowules. Them ther keltics git tae ús them al thaye want, are ye a napolagist or some such of a bódie? ps how dae ye do yin a them omlettes like them German boys do? Thems better than the other yokes for the kéltics dinnae hae ony. Robert McAdam

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Jist becus ye hiv a fancy keyboord.
Mine oany his Englis letterin an ah cannae wurk the fancy buttons.

Rojj said...

I voted for rake! But I had to experiment so I went in to The Cabin in Donaghadee and asked for a clatter o thon sweeties and the wife asked for a rake o thon sweeties and she got a pile more...but then she was paying!

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Ah hiv tae haun it til ye Rojj, thy'ons a cunnin' ploy an' nae mistake.
Howiver ah'm wunderin' if ye kin manage a similar plan tae wurk oot this week's pole.
Ah thunk the cabin wis shut, like maist o' the ether shaps in Donaghadee.

Robert McAdam said...

yuns are eejits, ye dinnae hae tae spend ony money, jis vusit yer granny an ate hers

Serendipity A Pearson said...

Billy, masterfully concludes:
"..... ye get 3.14. A useful nummer in big sums, potentially provin' that Ulster Scots invented pie."

and, surely, decimation?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

A wid say yes, Serendipity, but ah amnae tae sure whit that mains.