Thursday, 30 July 2009

Bit Elevin part Yin - Christianity


We're meant til be a histry site, expoundin' oan the true Ulster Scotsness o' the folk o' this island, but aff late wiv gat distracted. Ah hiv nae excuses excep' tae say thit ah've reached a bit o' an histerical crisis point in histry. The arrival o' Christianity in Ireland raises manies a question, nat laist o' which is whit branch o' Christianity did the boys o' the 5th century practice?
Wis it Anglican, Methodist, Presbyterian oor, indaid, Free Presbyterian? Oor Baptist maybe, oor Elim Pentecostal? Oor Muslim?

Yin things fur sure, it wisnae the o'er sort. (As will be sain later - in Bit sumthin' - when the Inglis brung the O'er sort til Ulster under the orders o' a Papal Bull)

St Patrick.

In oor St Patrick's Day specil, a lock o' weeks ago, the Rev Dr Dougie Muldrew claimed thit Christianity wis brung til Ireland by St Wullie McDowell. In daein sae he cunningly circumvented the histerical debate as tae whether it wis the Briton, St Patrick, oor the Papal envoy, Paladius, wha brung the Laird's wurd till oor shores. Howiver the Rev Dr didnae gae intae much detail, in fak he said bugger awl o' oany consequence, an nae matter how much ah quizzed him he wid oany say "Thar is mair goin' doon oan Heeven an' Earth thain ye cud stick a cannle til".

Pole Dancers

Thus when ah came til research the arrival o' Christianity in Ireland ah hid tae mak the lang run, through a stormy aivnin', til Poytnzpass Presbyterian Preachin' an' Pole Dancin Polytecknic fur til interview him further. Whin ah gat thar, ah foun' the place deathly quiet. "Whar are the trainee preachers" ah thunk, as ah gazed at the empty pulpits. Gittin' mair wurried ah started til panic "Whar are the gyratin Presbyterian ladies?" Awl the poles were empy.

Startled, an' admittedly a bit sexually frustrated, ah made ma way til the Rev Dr's Office. He was deid, shat by a single arrow through the heid. Writ oan his dog coller wis yin wurd - Opus Dei. (Ye didnae see thit cummin.)


"Nawwww" ah shouted, "Nat ye Dougie! Nat the mawn who hid the oany proof thit Christianity wis brung til Ireland by Mary Magdellan's son St Wullie McDowell Jr! Ye boy ye!" Flummoxed, ah tuk a step back, oany then seein' thit, in his dyin' moment, the Rev Dr hid contorted his body intae the shape "V M". Whit cud this main?

(Ah hiv nae idea how he micht hiv achieved this, or indied whar this train o' thocht is gaein' but it micht become clear at a later date, if ah iver fally this through.)

Gary an' Danielle's Antiques Roadshow Northern Exposure thing.

Is oan tamarra nicht at 7.30.
Watch it. Then niver pay yer lisence agin.


Fat Sparrow said...

"Pole Dancers"

Not a phrase I usually expect to see in the midst of an article about Christianity. Plus, I thought they were run out of town along with the Romanians?

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

When the Presbyterian Preachin' Polyteknic o' Poyntzpass wis short o' money it amalgamated wi' the local Pole Dancin' Skool. An unusal move, ah'll grant ye, but yin which kept awl parties happy.

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Well ah watched it, an' it wis brock.

Daes thit Dannie iver hiv a gae oan anythin? Naw - shis a freeloadin' bint. Gary went doon the hill in the big ball, did she?

Waste o' ma lisence fee payin cash.

Insteid ah suggest thit the BBC pays fur me an the Mrs tae gae tae Inglan' an' mak them luk daft.

Inglis folkers.

Anonymous said...
is thon religin enuf fer ye?

Old Knudsen said...

I did not read this post but heard from a friend of billy one ear that it contained something about St Patrick so as a Free Presbyterian I shall protest yer blog until this post is removed or until its time for me tae whatever comes first.