Thursday, 5 November 2009

Fact Findin' Tour o' the Aist Ards region: Bit Twa

As Wee Daftie correctly pointed oot in oor Hoke Oot column in the side bit, there his indaid bin a chronic lack o' postin' o' late. This is, howiver, nathin' til dae wi' Mafia Wars, it is doon til ma jet set lifestyle laidin' til a shortage o' interweb access. Ah kin hardly update the blog in ma wurk, fur nat oany micht ah be caucht at it by herrsel, ah'd be hard pushed tae drink the required amount o' mental lubrication wi'oot bein' spatted.

Thus it is nat til taenicht thit ah bring yis Bit Twa o' ma fact findin' report frae the Ards. Last time we lukked at Ballywalter, taenicht we skip oot Ballyhalbert itself, an' hap doon til Portavogie. Whit daes the Sandy Row o' the Ards bring til the City o' Culture table?


Provision o' Swings.

Wait til yis see this: Portavogie his nat yin, bit twa sets o' swings, providin' ample opportunity fur wains til fall frae grate heichts. Ah'm nat sure why there is twa sets o' swings, fur there nae distance frae eacho'er, a kin oany assume some kind o' Playpark related vote catching by the council, though the under sixes canny vote (usually.)

Swings yin: Note large grass area, guid toilet access.

Swings Twa: Less stuff, an' apparently fur smaller wains. Quite handy fur the Chinese if yer hungry.

Provision o' toilets:
A guid unit, convenient til both swings, carpark an' grass.

Provision o' Orange Halls:
Ah furgat tae take a photae, but, as yid expect, there is yin.

Provision o' o'er things:

Portavogie is comin' doon wi' o'er things, essential fur oany Cultural Bid:

Public Art: Portavogie is rich in public art. Yung folk are encouraged fur tae express thar innermaist feelings, regardless o' talent, givin' the village some o' the finest array o' painted things in Ulster. This includes madurn art, whereby the thing painted bears oany a passin' resemblence til whit its meant til be. In the example belaw ah think its meant til be a hand.

The artistic community o' Portavogie hiv taken an unusual luk at traditional artisitic crafts, deconstructing the wall murial til revail it in a new form - the road murial. This requires less ladders, fur its wile windy. There are no grey kerbs in Portavogie.

Guest Hoose accomodation:

The aforementioned Wong's Royalle, Chinese takeaway come traditional guest hoose.

Friendly Taxi Folk.

Ah noticed this sign in a taxi windae by the Mace. He disnae mean it, fur ah did a small poo on the bonnet an' he niver even noticed.


Robin Burton said...

Best Tourist Guide ever!

Manuel said...

hahahahahaha.....I cant stop laughing.....

Bell o' Crossgar said...

This is aa very weel, wi the swings and likesay, but ye'll want some kind o' distinctive monument tae. Apparently there's yin o' them goin' spare in South America; they're lukkin' fur an alternative location. Portavogie wud be ideal ah'm shure:

Professor Billy McWilliams said...

Excellent idea Bell, ah've escreeded til the BBC wi' yer suggestion.

Anonymous said...

Did that red car drive over the road mural? And if so, what did you do about it?

Bell o' Crossgar said...

Moreover, thon monument cud proove tae be a big draw fur Christian folk the wurld o'er. I seen a programme on the tellyveesion th'other nicht aboot aa these Mussulmen, millions o' them, goin' til Makkah and throwin' stanes at the Devil, represented by a big yoke of a pillar; the price o' property round the kaabah's gane through the roof. If ye cud procure a lock o' halfers and sell them in pokes til pilgrims in the vicinity of thon South American statue, which is a much more authentic representation of the Devil than a mere pillar, ye'd be oan yur way til' coinin' it. And ye'd clean up even mair if ye sold pokes o' hard-boiled peas til feed the faithful.