Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Election Update thing.

As ah'm sure yis hiv by noo wurked oot, it wus very foolish o' messel til declare 1690 an election infurmation hub, as such a statement wud require me tae provide yis wi' infurmation. Ah fully intended til dae sae, but tae be honest ah cannae be arsed. The election thus far has nat exactly bin interestin' aside frae some debacle o'er the heid of an American hen on a DUP poster an' Alex Maskey decidin' til stay at hame an' watch the boxin'. Basically ah'm twiddlin' ma thumbs til Jim Allister gets his broadcast oot, sae in the maintime ah hiv made dae wi' examinin' oor on-goin' opinion pole.

Fur assistance in such matters ah hiv turned tae Dr Archibald Kincaid, Professor o' very large sums at the Larne School of Economics. He has done some countin' an deduced the fallyin'

Yin - the pole his bin infiltrated by Shinners, intent oan bringin' this site intil disrepute. Yin o' them even callt me a "racist Orange bastard" oan the Youse Tube. Dr Kincaid argues that we shud therefower disregard the Shinner pole vote entirely, but he is fur Jim's STD an' ah think that this is party policy.

Twa - A wile lock o' folk intend fur til waste thar votes by either nat butherin' or votin' Green or Alliance an' the like. This saims a shame, fur thar are upwards of 4 Unionist parties tae pick frae, even excludin' Lady Sylvia an' thy'on man in Fermanagh. It is nat tae late til change yer minds Green folk, sure deep down yis know its all a load o' Ballix anyhow.

Thrie - The Cunfs look like claiming a rake o' seats if oor pole is anythin' til go by. Ah put this down til the clever repetition of the phrase "Vote fur Change." That said, if Lady Trimble disnae stop finishin' every yin o' her facebook posts with "people want change" or "people are ready for change" ah am likely fur til go round til her hoose an' stick things through her letterbox.

Fower - Jim Allister an' his boys are lukkin' strang, probably due til thy'on fox frae Larne he stuck on the posters. Dr Kincaid says he taught her a thing oor twa at LSE but he disnae luk her type.

Five - Peter Rabinson's DUP hiv blew it. Ah put this doon til thar blatant disregard fur the nation's nummer yin MLA pin up in thar broadcast. They have clearly failed til capitalise on their best asset, so ah hiv turned ma mind til helpin them out. Ah hiv therefore sent the fallyin video til the DUP in the hope that they will use it at the next available opportunity.

To be honest it giv me somethin' til dae whilst ah wait oan Jim, an sure the music's great.

1 comment:

Fat Sparrow said...

"Ah fully intended til dae sae, but tae be honest ah cannae be arsed"

You can just do what we do here in the States, bitch and moan before hand, refuse to educate ourselves on the issues or the people or their voting records, forget to vote on Voting Day, and then complain afterward how the country's going to hell in a handbasket, and if so-and-so was in charge things would be better.

Ah, the American Way, I'll miss it.

Can you not use your influence to get Sammy into a hairdresser's? Just for a bit of an update, I'm not suggesting anything radical like highlights or such, mind.