From the BBC North Antrim an' Larne Newsdesk.
"A tap Ulster Scots academic named on Twitter as havin' an injunction thing o'er the heid o' supposedly shaggin' some reality TV cuddy has been named in Stormount as Professor Billy McWilliams. The academic was named unner a rule that lets MLAs an' the like say whitiver they want in Stormount, even if it is a feed o' shite.
Spakin' through his letter bax at his spacious hame near Lenaderg, Professor McWilliams denied the allegations. "Ah dinnae even listen til thon Big Bro'er brock on the wireless" he claimed, "Ah alsae dinnae ken whit a super injunction is, is it some kine o' cacktail?" Pressed further on the matter, he made the followin' admission. "Tae be fair, Ah've seen the wee cuddy in the paper an' she's a quare wee yoke, so she is. Ah might, ye ken, if she asked nicely."
The super injunction was issued in the high coort after upwards o' three folk on Twitter named Professor McWilliams as being the academic at the centre o' the allegations. Professor McWilliams claims he "Knaes where they live an' will have them shat."
Professor McWilliams made o'er 600 appearances for Manchester United on FIFA 95 for the old Playstation 1, makin' him one o' the teams most decorative players."
Twitter is a social nat wurkin' thing that allows paliticians an' the like til annoy ye even when they arnae at a computer."