Friday, 6 January 2012

Histry o' the Ulster Scots Bit 15 - The Plantation o' Ulster

Nae movement frae the goverment oan the issue o' lack o' Ulster based events at the Olympics, so it is back til oor Rasin Deter an' a wee bit o' Histry......

The Death o' the Virgin Queen.

In the last Bit o' oor complex histry o' the Ulster Scots Spakin Peoples, we lukked at how the Refarmation invented Pratestants an', in daein' sae, put an end til Religious division fur iver. Howiver all was not yit well in the Ulster Scots garden, fur Free State fenians still controlled the island o' Ireland, an' wi' it the hameland o' the hamely folk themselves. Fur upwards o' ages Ulster Scots had foun' theyselves exiled til the mainland, forced for til be misunderstood an' shunned by English folk, or live in Scotland, which is caul. Oany a few were able til cling oan til the sacred Ulster territory in an aroun' Nairth Antrim,an' up the Ards. This was all til be rectified when Queen Elizabeth I the Queen Mother died wi'oot havin' any weans fur she was a virgin like Mary in the Bible. Wi nae weans til inherit the throne, the English were forced fur til luk fur a new King, North o' the border up Edinburgh way.

The House of Stewart

Unable til fine a king o' their ain ilk, the English therefore approached the King o' Scotland til see if he fancied the jab. The King o' Scotland at the time was a guid Pratestant by the name o' James Six, an' he duly tuk the throne o' England as well, takin' the title James Sixanfirst. It is important at this junction til note that James Sixanfirst shud in nae way be confussed wi' his Grandwean James Second. James Sixanfirst was a Loyal Pratestant, whereas James Second was the Free State king whit King Billy knacked the pan in af. 

As if til prove his Loyal Pratestant credentials, the first thing King James Sixanfirst did was til write the Bible, in daein' sae creatin' the Bible believin' Pratestant. Wi'oot his King James Bible, there wud be nae wee leaflets fur boys still han' oot at the tap o' the town while an o'er auld boy gulders intil a microphone aboot Satan an' the Gays an' bein' born o'er agin an' the like. Mind that next time ye join the throng o' folk listenin' til such lectures, ye hiv James Sixanfirst til thank fur such spectacles. 

The Plantation o' Ulster.

As if inventin' the Bible wasnae enough, James Sixanfirst set about devisin' a plan whereby the Ulster Scot cud cast aff the Free State yoke an' reclaim the occupied 9 counties, fur that was his plan. In order til achieve this he first o' all giv Counties Antrim an' Down til a man called Hamilton Montgomery, who proceeded til bring Ulster Scots folk back o'er in boats frae Scotland an' gie them houses an' the like fur til live in, thus plantin' people raither than trees oor the like, an' gien us the wurd Plantation. 

Wi' Monaghan similarly lukkin' after itsel, James hissel preceded til plant Ulster Scots folk in the o'er six counties, alang wi a rake o' English folk he hoped wud be converted til Ulster Scotsness at some future date. (Tae a certain extent this has been achieved now, yid hardly knae the Ulster English existed, fur they dinnae git any grants.). In maist cases the land was giv til rich boys called Undertakers, whit pramised fur til build toons, cassles an' churches an' bring o'er Ulster Scots. The oany different county was County Coleraine, which was giv til folk frae London, an renamed County Londoncoleraine. 

The Legacy o' the Plantation o' Ulster

(Ye cannae dae somethin' aboot the plantation wi'oot daein' aboot the legacy or ye willnae git a grant)

  • New towns - The Stewarts built Newtownstewart an' Stewartstown, Mr Cunningham built Newtowncunningham, Sir Jimmy Saville built Newtownsaville, an' Sir Ards built Newtownards. The London Companies built many new towns, including Londonderry, Londonderrylin, Londonbalinderry, Londonderrygonnelly an' London. 
  • New inventions - The Ulster Scots folk are wild good at inventin'. Once back oan hame soil they set aboot inventin' farms, roads, Black Bush, Harland an' Wolff, Orange Halls, Larne-Stranraer ferries an' the Newsletter. 
  • New recreational pursuits - Even in their spare time the Ulster Scots invented stuff. Fur example they invented new religions by fallin' oot wi' eacho'er aboot wee totty things an' leavin fur til start their ain churches. They alsae invented rack an' roll an' bred wi eacho'er in order til make sure thit America had enough Presidents.
  • Wars - Now that the Ulster Scots had a hameplace they were able fur til laiv it an' ficht wi' eacho'er. This they mainly did in the America. Thus taeday we are able fur til boast that we were both Revolutionary an' Loyal in the American War o' Independence, burned Washington an' put the fire oot in the War o' 1812, kept slaves an' freed them in the US Civil War an' both fought an' made friends wi' the Red Indians. Jays wi'oot the Ulster Scot the Americans wud be hard pushed fur til find somebody til ficht wi'. 
  • Whit was the reaction o' the o'er surt? - On the hole the o'er surt were happy fur they hid new towns fur til dae their shappin' in an' sign oan. 


NIXY said...

total loada boollix this is a joke this dialect crap for f sake give us a break
learn your own language gaelic whether in ireland or scotland

Professor Billy McWilliams said...


Seinfeld said...

What's the Ulster Scots word for irony?

Anonymous said...

Nixy is a quare numpty.

Anonymous said...