The entertainin' industry his bin racked this last wheen o' days by the passin o' twa o' the gratest entertainers the wurld his seen. The passin' o' Michael Jackson wis bad enough, but now we are faced wi' the loss o' Mollie Sugden. As ah' screed thousans o fans wurldwide are bukkin' thar tickets til visit Grace Bruthers, near til England, tae pay tribute til the hen wha' kept losin' her Pussy in the mid seventies.
"But whit his this gat tae dae wi' the Ulster Scot?" ah hear yis cry, fur the yinst time in ages. The anser shud be obvious(ish). As a yung man Michael Jackson's da Joe wis nicknamed "Stonewall" by his pals in Portrush Primary Skool. Emigratin' betwain 1896 an 1927 , he went oan tae father yin o' the gratest Ulster Scots pap icons iver. (Other grate Ulster Scots pap icons include Take Thy'on, wi' ma nephew Rabbie McWilliams, Madonney an' Noddy Hauler aff Slade). Jackson remained true til his roots pennin' hit tunes such as Bate it an' Wullie John - a tribute tae Ulster Rugby Legend WJ McBride, but he wis forced tae change the name o' the tune by his record company.
Mainwile Mollie Sugden - whit makes her an' Ulster Scot? The best ah kin dae is tae claim that the Christian name o' Mrs Slocombe wis Lily.
Thy'ons nat the point, howiver, themuns are deid whilst others live, an' cannae deserve tae dae sae. That is the point o' this weeks pole.
Ulster Scots Academy.
Some consternation o'er the heid o' the Ulster Scots Academy this week.
Some oot thar are claimin' it is a "non-existant" academy, costin' over £7 million. This is Ballicks, fur we here at 1690 are that academy, fur ye kin sit aroun' drunk in yer pants, git degrees an' everythin' jist like a real University.
Rude Place Name Pole
Ah furgat Muff, whit kin a say? Ringsend wins, an' rightly sae o'er the heid o' the opposition. Howiver wi' nae Muff ah declare this pole null an' void.
Fur yince ah am tapical, fur the match oany finished 5 minutes ago. Ah wis bildin' up fur a Wimbleden specil oan how Andy Murray is an Ulster Scot descendeded frae Col Adam Murray, hero o' the Siege o' Londonderry, but now ah cannae be arsed. Fur bye tennis is a hen's game, an' the true sport o' the Ulster Scot is motorcycle road racin'.
*Tapicality is entirely based oan raidin' last weeks papers.